[Frozen]

It wasn't that long before I realized how much they frightened me. When you care about someone - when you love someone? It's surprisingly easy to turn your head to any wrongdoings they do. At least when you're desperate for that love.

What did take long was the time from realizing it, and the time I actually did something about it.

This isn't the first time. Back in Viritas? I knew she was a cultist. I knew what they did in those basements. The word 'sacrifice' rung in my head, and the story of that little girl being used in that sabbath will always haunt me. You want to know why it was so easy to leave? How couldn't it be easy? Do you understand what they did in there? What they did, that I just let happen? What they did that I was powerless to stop?!
Do you think I could -
...

I couldn't face it. So when I was nudged, I ran. I took the first excuse to abandon her when she needed me most.

I did the same in Aetius too. I hit my limit of tolerance.
I almost betrayed them completely. When the war started proper, I almost joined the losing side. Just because I believed this to have been cruel. But it was always cruel. The war I wage against cruelty is a losing battle when I'm cruel even to myself and others.
...
It would only be a few months after this decision that I'd learn of her death, which likely happened years ago to that day.