It has been a few years since you've let me free, to explore and learn of what there is to see. 
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I have felt dread | I have felt elation
I've felt as if though my chest was ready to burst beneath the pressure of making the wrong choice.
Time seems like a simple concept now, in which the eyes of those now bearing down upon me judge, and judge, and judge.
What more is there to say than I know I thrive upon the thought of failure, and hunger to achieve love.
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I've felt love | I've harnessed fear
When told to explore, was this what you meant? To twist, turn, and writhe within this free realm to indulge.
I couldn't reject it, all the things that make me feel as if though I am human. The things that makes some demons.
They are all chaotic existences, small puzzles to be solved while I figure out what I desire myself.
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I am empty | I am wanting
I am told that gratification is best met by those that simply learn to accept what it is they're without.
Of course I am weak, I am pathetic, I am low... But I dance and sing, I smile, and play to a tune just like them.
I am their fascination, I am their detest, I am...
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Everything, some would hope they're not. I am the acceptance of imperfection.
I have not learned yet, but I continue to explore.
I know they are looking.
I know...
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They are my friends.

Devotion, is that the only thing I have to provide upon Meranthe? Release, that is my only desire.

My envy | Their Disgust
Though to give, I must take all that is humbly thrust unto me, and decode what it means to the heart.
For once, I explored what it was like to indulge in something that was not meant for them.
Exhilarating in every aspect, I've come to understand why they see nothing. Why they want nothing.
Why they cannot become anything. The soul, which only desires one thing, denies itself everything.
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Their Desire | My lack thereof
What is there to covet in the love that I've come to understand. As we both grow, is there want reserved for the pitiful?
I have begun to wonder if your concern derives from the disgusting change of fate that bears itself upon me.
Do I love what I don't have, do I love what I have given away, do I love what I keep? Am I loving, what I desire to lose?
I am nurturing it, only to know that the roots digging within do not receive gratification from stability.
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I will let all of it go, so that their dream swells within me, and me alone.
As it has been proven that no vessel shines when clouded by its pervasive wants.
A host of hate.... A pathetic host of desire, a peculiar want to attain.
Give, and learn your want alone, fuels us.
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Accipiam, donec idem irritum perventum sit ac ego.

"To fire through the rough"
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Last night, I had a dream, that even at this age you had taken the time to weave me yet another crown of petals and roots.
It was thorny, prickled no different than the ambitions we birthed from our hearts and wore on our sleeves.
I preserved it, I cherished it, I looked for the moment that I too could bloom unlike the rot brought by my ambitions.
Though this soil, it has always been barren. Rocky and treaded upon by those that had forsaken it like you and I.
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I know, I can't apologize to you anymore, and as I look in this mirror, something tells me I'll be okay.
That it's normal, to weep, and allow this sobbing of mine to echo within the chamber built by these hands alone.
You and mine, we are a heritage built upon the tears of those we had forsaken along the way. So I say...
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It is fine.
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Who'd have ever guessed these days would be so quiet? Beyond the soft laughter of my beloved blood, I do miss you all so.

From the roaring, chaotic flames of hate and contempt, I'd been born. With not but a mission in mind but pleasing those I considered the light within my life.
Beasts and victims of instinct, loveless and twisted in the image of that what we feared most. These days, I spend wandering, and wondering just what it was I admired. 
Empty of heart, empty of mind, all it was that drove us was our rabid desire to sow misery, for who is it that's born in this world wishing to be alone?
I've yet to find a single one, and so we flock together in our misery.  None of you are different. No single concept bred from contempt may be so, and as I tell myself I am just as undeserving--

These young, smiling faces... The wailing, and smiles of joy as I've left and returned from the harvest and small journeys beyond. Has it been worthy of the tears, finally birthed from a source other than disgust? Since when did it change? Did you too, feel this same unconditional desire to protect and love me as your life's work had been turned to cinder within holy flame? I may not have been able to accomplish that final goal we agreed on in these long years, but know that when I fall to the same depths I will greet you with a smile just as large as those whom have loved me after you.

My friends. To the ones whom have passed on the torch. To the one, whose sight in decades had first been my visage. To the friend, dressed in blinding light that sought to illuminate my path in my darkest hour. To a man then made god, whom is cherished by even something that had been as pitiful as I. Even those, that have passed when I had thrived in the disgust of what this world was, rather than what it should be.