[ratqueen]

hey i like money so for a LIMITED TIME (get them while supplies last!!!) i'll make you a middling quality paint.net made profile for $5 (tips appreciated lol). im ass at recoloring playbys don't ask me to do it please and come with description text in mind or it will be textless (i will not give u lorem ipsum i refuse and i don't have photoshop so it's a huge bitch to edit the text afterwards). buy me angel patron so i can make a bard FATE and i'll do 3 profiles per character for life lol lmao rofl ok onto the important part:

here's some of the funny profiles ive made in the past

















this is my ko-fi please don't pay me until i have sent you the finished product thanks

dm me at rat queen#2022 if u want one

[Folian]

don't listen to her, the profiles are great. (this is not an endorsement of w*men)

[ratqueen]

hey i need money rn and have more time again

here's a few of the funny ones i've made recently, bear in mind the same things as post #1 if requesting

[ratqueen]

hey there geeks and gamers, have you ever wanted to be completely ripped off? like come face to face with actual daylight robbery? well, good news, because i accidentally broke the headphones i've been using since 2015 and when i said "well i guess it's fine if i just use these shitty skullcandy earbuds instead since they're the single other audio device i have" our corporate overlords manipulated my cat through subliminal messages to force her to chew at them and render them defunct so i'd have to Buy A New Product.

however, im literally broke, so the vicious scale of capitalist balance dictates that now you can purchase one lackluster rat queen character description for the unrealistic and grossly exorbitant price of $25 USD (please only buy this if ur literally that one aptly named spyro character but in real life). im usually available vaguely between 4pm EST and 10pm EST these days, but may turn up like a bad penny at random hours outside of this schedule. i also might take a little bit to respond no matter what hour it is because i don't have internet right now (i can still deliver the description via phone hotspot).

might take me a few days to make it, please don't pay me until it's done and until you think it works for you, thanks.

styles range from pretty minimalist to decidedly not minimalist, if you have any preferences in regards to style or design—this could be dos or don'ts—please let me know in advance (also again don't pay me until i have sent u the finished Product:tm: ), but i reserve the right to slip in jokes or references to bands you probably don't know of in some obscure corner of the image where you'll never see it.

here's some recent ones because i need some showing to balance out all that telling

optionally i will write a 3,000 word erotic short story of your devising for a hundred bucks, or 100 USD, as they say

also if you don't have a penchant for burning money a la the joker in that one scene of the dark knight where he—as you may have guessed—burns money, im obligated to plug folian's descriptions as a reasonably priced alternative to my own

also also im only taking two of these things before closing them again because i can tangibly feel the devil collecting a fragment of my soul with every profile commission i do and i have no clue what that guy's using them for

[Moloch]

i can tangibly feel the devil collecting a fragment of my soul with every profile commission i do and i have no clue what that guy's using them for

I'm never telling u where I put them bitch ahahahaha

[ludster]

i was the cat that chewed through the old ones, and id do it again for sure

[ratqueen]

("i finally have photoshop" edition)



profiles! $5 a pop.
tips greatly appreciated

hello fellow participants of the eternia 4: chronicles of meranthe social experiment, with the turning of the year my sole source of spendable money now comes from freelance work, which has compelled me to make the decision to permanently open my commissions until i either die or sell my soul to jeffrey bezos. it's also compelled me to finally "acquire" capitalist monument adobe's excellent but immorally priced product photoshop, which means the workload per profile is now 1/6th what it used to be and i can do numerous things i could not before—like edit text without having to redo 6 layers from scratch!

my savings on time is your savings in the wallet, and as such i can finally comfortably reduce my prices to match my competitor friend folian, who will wake up in a small 5x3x2 wooden box to the noise of dirt thumping against its topside if he continues to get more commissions than me.

that said, i have photoshop now. all the things i couldn't do before i can do now, probably. i will edit the camel toe or halfway exposed nipple out of your risqué playby like it's nothing. my style can vary quite a bit, so be sure to let me know if you have a general idea of what you're looking for.

telling me a bit about your character always helps; if i have a theme, character goal, or general concept to use as a foundation i can spruce it up more than if i have just a playby and name, even if your explanation is as simple as "this is bruce killerman, he's duke nukem and he beats up women."

here are three silly little profiles, i have actually done more than this but the gestapo will get me if i share them:









guess what else i'll do?
forum posts and stuff! ~$5-$10, depends on complexity.
for those who hate formatting or finding/editing art

need to write a thread bragging about how you domed one of your opps? new state of esshar needs doing, but it's hard to squeeze a second between all those closed doors "political meetings" you've been having in your bedroom? want to make a really pretty item application that only five people in the community will ever look at, but you just hate formatting forum posts?

good news, i like money and i actually enjoy putting forum posts together (sometimes). i will:

- find images to use in the post if you don't already have ones you'd like, and edit them as needed

- format it fully (duh) and send you the finished code to post

- aid with planning and content where desired, including writing fluffy descriptive prose. i will not, however, write on behalf of your character themselves—it's your character im not rping them for you =/

- write you an obscenely long item description that fills the whole chatbox and which nobody will read in full

- take no credit for it so you can send it to your discord and go "upvote me i made a pretty post" and no one will be the wiser (unless they spot my style in there somewhere; half of this community moonlights as sherlock holmes so it's a real possibility)

some examples of forum posts i've done in the past:

ITEM APPLICATION - Feu, Terre, L'eau, & Rafale - A Wristwatch Collection

STATE OF ESSHAR POST - The Dissolution of the Docro Syndicate

BIOGRAPHY POST - ode to her




wow, isn't all that just super cool? if you can think of another excuse to pay me for services of some kind, let me know, thanks. anyways, this is the part where i link my ko-fi page, which is where you pay me. don't pay me until im actually done with your thingy, though, i don't like taking money in advance.

reach out to me at rat god#1318 to commission me
this is the funny link to pay me when i'm done

[ratqueen]

new patch, new spawn wave. fresh bump w/ the portfolio additions ahah these aen folk r looking swole

still 5 bucks (usd)

[ratqueen]

hey squad. it's time for the portfolio bump, now that i have more photoshop-era profiles under my belt.

still $5, still appreciating tips, still D.R.E.













also since charles is doing profiles again too, that's cool, love that guy

[charles]

GO QUEEEEEEEEN