[DirectorBright]

I know why you hurt.

It is the same reason you don't hurt.

It would be cruel to take it away; it would be cruel to make it stay, no?

It is what binds you together and yet it is what tears you apart.

If it would make it easier, I would untie myself, just to set you free.

But it wouldn't make anything easier, would it?

There's no ground down there, the chains are holding you up.

---

... Seventy years. It goes by a lot faster than you'd think. Not quite there yet, a few more months, I suppose... still. Still. One decade since I've crossed that tipping point, where I've less time left in my life than I have lived. It feels like yesterday. It feels like forever ago. Funny how it works.

I remember a lot of things, you know. Things that some others weren't around for, I guess. I didn't really go looking for anything until I was 38. I don't really regret it, no. If I had stepped into the world sooner, the story would've been different, and I don't think it would have been in a good way. She wouldn't have been as happy, I think. I know. We wouldn't have found each other.

There's no point entertaining hypothetical past timelines. You either tear yourself apart over what you can never have, or eat yourself alive over what you regret.

... where are we, then?
Where every journey ends, of course.
At the beginning.

---

... I remember Arcadia. Before the witch hunts and so on. A farming town. Peaceful. Quiet. Idyllic.

I remember a little girl with pink hair and red eyes, who wanted to be a knight.

I remember a woman of raven locks and garb, mother to many who were lost and abandoned.

I remember a young man in shining white armor, who sought to bring justice to the creatures of night.

I remember a drakanite girl of white hair and blue garb, who sought to heal the wounds of others.

I remember a young boy from the southern sea, who wished to protect the people he loved.

There were more. I remember them too. I remember we made a promise to each other.

I remember four of us, standing in a clinic that wasn't home anymore, and we knew that we would always be kin to one another.

... of those I remember, only two are left with us. The others appear only in my dreams. 

Or nightmares.

I don't forget.

I can't forget.

---

I sleep better these days. I don't see them every time I close my eyes. The ones that are gone, I mean. I don't watch him die, again and again, eyes open or closed. I don't feel the horrible guilt of her end crushing down upon me in agony I can't describe, every second of every day. Part of me wondered, if Grief was love enduring, then if I let go of it... did that mean I didn't love them anymore?

Have I betrayed you, because I no longer cry so often? Because I smile and live on without thinking of you all the time?

I think you'd want that. For me to be happy, I mean. I'm trying. I manage more often than not, these days.

---

It's your fault, you know, that I smile still. You set me up for it. You knew. She and I needed one another, and it was you who put us there, wasn't it? You who kept us there, knowing what we'd do. You, who never turned your back on me, believed in me, no matter what I did. You always thought I was good. You never gave up.

Thank you.

My children are already born, and I wish that you could see them. I wish I could bring them to you, old friend, and tell them stories of when you were young. I wish I could tell everyone who you were and not choke at it, for knowing you aren't here. But you are gone ahead of me. Do you wait for us, my old student? Are you there at the darkened gate, at the end of that tunnel, holding our place in line that we may go together?

I'm sorry, but I'll have to keep you all waiting a while yet. Eternity is short, I've heard. Just as soon as the ties I bound myself to you with turned to anchors, dragging me to the dark, I was...

Your greatest achievement, was fixing a broken heart. Two, really. I can't claim all the credit for it, not when you orchestrated such. You know how happy she makes me. You saw. And you knew, then, if I had something to lose, someone to love unconditionally and with all my heart, someone that would be hurt if I carried on as I had, that I would stop. You knew, didn't you, that I just needed hope? That both of us did. In spite of everything, it worked.

The most bitter part of it all is that you aren't able to see it in full.

This was what I never wanted. You deserved better. It isn't fair that men like me should endure, while men like you die young. Such is the way of the world we live in, I suppose. Yet- I live, and I spend every second of it in her light, and you would be happy to see it.

I made new friends, now. Connected myself to others as time went on. I'll lose them too, eventually. That's just how it is. The world takes pieces of you, bit by bit, the agony grows. The light doesn't chase it away. It just... pulls the other direction. Weight on both ends, and I'm the string. How long before it just snaps in half? It almost did, once. She's alive, though, and I... 

The wounds don't ever really heal, you know. You never stop hurting. You just become numb to it. Get used to it. Adapt to it. You change, and you don't notice it anymore until someone brings it to your attention, but even then it hurts. Even then it aches.

---

I made a promise, to her. To her, the reason I endure. She's everything now, you know. Of course you know. You were the same with your own. Both of us placed our hearts in the hands of another, and neither of us would ever have wanted it any other way. It made us invincible as much as it made us vulnerable. Now, I carry on, because I promised her I would. Things get better. It takes forever, but they do. Time marches on. Life endures. Pain comes again and again, but so does love, if you look for it.

I am tired, old friend. It strikes me now as much as ever. I can't stop now, though. There are still people who need me. She still needs me, as much as I need her. Onwards I go, ever onwards and upwards. Sometimes I wonder what it's all for, if I deserve any of it. But-

You all believed in me.

She believes in me.

He believes in me.

So when you say that I was worth it,
I believe you.