[DirectorBright]

You? You don't fight. You run.

---

Back so soon?

It's been a while.
Longer than a little bit.

Things have changed again.
Something good happened... for once.
A lot of good happened.
A lot of fears went unrealized. 

Another link is broken.
Something hasn't changed.
You.
You're still running away from it.
From the pain. From the truth.
You don't want to look at it.
You distract yourself.
You forge new links, take up new chains.
But it doesn't make the broken ones any less real.

Why are you here?
I am happy, now. I am at peace. I have had good days.
I have a granddaughter now, and I love her.
I have a wife still, and I love her.
I have a son and a daughter, and I love them too.
I have good friends as well, so many these days.
And we are happy together, making good memories that are so rare in these lands.
So why have you come back?
Why are you doing this?

I already told you.
You're not listening.
Another chain was severed. Two, were severed.
Instead of grieving, instead of recognizing it, you're running.
You pour tea for your grandchild and pretend everything is fine.
You hide behind a mask of metal and forget yourself.
You don't remember. You don't want to remember. You don't want to think about them.
Because then you would remember that they're not here.
You would remember what is missing.
You would remember what you lost.
And you don't want that, because it would hurt again.
Because you would crumble, and break for a while, and even if that means you might heal...
It would mean that you weren't being useful. It would mean that they'd see you like that again.
A broken, tired old man, crying in the rain again.
And that doesn't help anyone except you. It's self-indulgent.
So you run.
You hide.
You block it all out and don't look back, when people speak her name you flinch and leave.
You can't run from it forever. It's going to hurt you.
It's going to be too much someday if you keep doing this.
Nobody wants to see that happen to you.

Especially not me.

You need to break. You need to crumble. You need to grieve, and weep.
You have to hurt, and heal.
That is what they would want you to do.

... You're right.

---

A long time ago I told you that there were a few people in Arcadia. I told you there were more.

One day, in came a nephilim. Mestran. I wasn't quite sure what she was back then, didn't know enough, but I remember she was hurt. I remember that I could do something about it. I was still in cloak and robe then, and I saw a curse upon a child. A song of despair that was counter to who she was... and so, into her being I wove my own song...

Of despair they had cursed her.

Esto per mortem, Esto per vitam, Recordamini: et uos non fuistis, et creati estis. Prosperitas in Ruinam lunae inruerit et in solitudinem cunctis oppositis eorum. Est divinum, Mortale est, O diabole. Tantum enim qui sub gratia eius sunt vere succedunt, evolvunt

Of hope, I gave her.

Et omnis risu tuum foveam Et respiciens Credam in amore, et vivam Et volo te scire Ego te semper custodiat te claudere et cum cicatricibus tuis, aliud novum, et aliud vetus

---

I'm sorry, I-
I want to keep going. I want to talk more.

But every time I think back
Every time I look,
All I see is them. All I see is... is her.

I can't. I just- The empty ghosts haunt me ever on, every memory every... moment.
I told my granddaughter the story of how I fell in love with my radiant light. It was a good memory, that...
But it's hard to look back, when she's everywhere...
Not the light. Not my radiant... she's- still here. Still with me.
She still holds me when I rest. Still grounds me to this earth.
Still blots out all the world, even now, even twenty five years after I told her I loved her,
All that love has done is grow.
Solace. Rest. Blessed, Beautiful rest.

A happier thought. Even so...
You're still running.
Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe you're already broken. Fragmented.
You don't have the strength to break any further.
Even so, you have to try.
...
That story isn't about what's really unmaking you, is it?

No.
It's just one grain of sand atop a heap.
One more stone upon my chest.
One more ounce of lead upon my heart.
But I can't think back, don't you see?
When every time I look, I see Her.
The Knight.

Even if I miss dear Gwynny terribly...
Even if her death was something that eats at me.
Even if it truly drags and weighs on me...
It's not what's truly decimating me.

I told myself that, like us all, Rio was temporary.
I told myself that our time together wasn't any less beautiful for that.
I told myself that she died a hero and I could accept that.
But I can't.
I'm still running. Because it still hurts.
I guess it just didn't really sink in what it meant at the time.
I guess I didn't realize how much I'd lost until I had time to think about it.
Oh, Rio... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for the way things turned out. I'm sorry that I wasn't there more. I'm sorry that I didn't do enough.
I'm sorry that we parted ways in anger and frustration, and that-

I'm sorry that the fairytale ended. I feel like I failed you. Like it was my fault things ended how they did. I wish sometimes I could turn back time. I wish I could have spared you the scarring the world put on you. I wish you could've stayed that idealistic ball of sunshine from all those years ago... but the world ravages us all in the end. Even you, pure and sweet you, weren't immune to that.
You deserved better.
You all did.

It feels so disgusting now, so self indulgent to be like this.

To have said I was fine so steadfastly, that I accepted it, then to try to mourn one and inevitably be dragged to think of the other.

It feels disrespectful to them both.

It feels like betrayal.

I could talk about it to someone, but I don't know who.

I don't know if I really have anyone to do that to anymore.
Maybe I could steal away the Dreamer for a time... but I don't know if she could help either.
We are friends, but not that close, I think.
I don't want to burden my granddaughter with it. Just like I never burdened Rio or Marfons when I hurt.
It isn't their place or role to see me like that.
And though Aricles is a good friend to me, I don't feel like it's his place either.
Maybe Seanius. She's a good listener. She helps too.

There now, see?
That's what you need to do. To see someone. To tell them.
To talk and break for a little while, and put yourself together.
You did with Seanius a time or two, when Marfons fell.
That helped you, didn't it? Eventually, I mean.
You were a complete mess for a while, but you were still... you were able to heal.
Even if it scarred. You could remember him and not crumble.
Now you can't, because of her...
Go see them... for now, tell me more.

Tell me more about your friend, about Gwyn.

---

... A new song. A song of hope for her. A song of love and life. I was still so impersonal, but it had helped her, and I sent her on her way. I didn't see her for a while after that. Even so, I don't forget a patient.

So I saw her again, one day, in the Vigil. Different. Changed. So was I. It had been many years, but I remembered. I approached, and I still wanted to be her friend. Because she was still my patient, and still... made me laugh and smile.

Sometimes she hated herself. Sometimes she thought she was a wreck. I think that's true. She might have had a bubbly, cheery air, but... I could tell something was wrong.
Because I 'was always looking out for her, even when she thought she didn't deserve it.'
And I did it because I cared about her.
And I miss that. I miss coming into the town and hearing her chime into my head, 'Hello hello!'
I miss watching her and Tandy bounce about like they're still 15, happy.
I miss seeing her show that she did care, that she was a friend to many.
I miss her. Strange as she was.

I never got that second hug, you know. Just the once, when she really needed it...
I saw her when the massacre hit. When she was quiet and dismal, and I wanted to help her.
I wanted to be a better friend. I wanted to be there more for her than I was.
Seems I say that a lot, more and more these days, that I wanted more time...

Even then. Even when she had that blade on her back, even if she had some... controversies...
I didn't care about any of that.
Gwyn was my friend. She was sweet, and nice, and fun. She protected her home, and when it was gone...
She went back, and faced down the first imperfect.
Every time she came back hurt it made my heart lurch a little. I hated seeing it as much as I hated it happening to Tandava.
She was a constant, eventually. She was there.

... then she wasn't.
I didn't want to acknowledge it. I didnt-
I just-

I wanted to say she'd come back.
I wanted to see her.
I wanted to show her what I'd learned.
I wanted to know her more, to be a closer friend.
I wanted to help her.
To fool around and just have a laugh.
To hear that jaunty hello, just one more time.

Now she's gone.
And I'm just a little more alone.
The world is just a little darker.
With one more ghost in my memories.
A broken man with broken chains, running from a broken mirror.

---

And goodbye to you now, Gwyn... You too...
Funny little rainbow chicken that you were.
I wish the world could've had you in it a while longer.
I'll miss you, you know.
I'll be looking out when I get there for you as well.
Wherever you went, at least it won't be boring.