08-21-2025, 05:30 AM
There were times when I doubted myself. I wanted to be a knight, but I could never put in the legwork. As much as I wanted to swing my sword, I wanted to raise my shield even more. Except... I had no shield to raise. I had to be the shield, myself.
It was terrifying. I would never show it, but I was always terrified.
The people I stood around. Some were monsters, and some where villains. But I never let that stop me. For my kind of attitude, the sort that tried its best to be good? It got me one or two friends. Some of these people recognized me for at least the use I gave in collecting goods.
The knight of picking flowers.
![[Image: flashback-four.png]](https://i.ibb.co/dJ6G1ktw/flashback-four.png)
That's what I was. And I was okay with faking the title for a little bit, if only to share.
When I left, I left everyone else behind for the promise of a safe home. I was not frozen in fear, like when I stared up at the wendigo, nor was I brave in the face of violence to protect the shinobi girl.
This was a conscious decision I made, to leave everything behind again. And the worst thing that could possibly happen, happened. When I had settled into this new home? I exchanged letters, regret pouring out of my chest like blood pumping out of a wound. With her. Clairemont.
She understood. She supported my decision. She...
...
I resented her for neglecting me and all the work I put in to be by her side, to hold onto the echo of Solan. I let these unspoken feelings corrupt my decision-making. Lust. Cowardice. Resentment.
But she accepted my words.
That is the worst thing that could have happened. If I had a reason to reinforce these cowardly feelings, life could be so much easier. But now... I'll have to keep moving forward. I have to make good to my oath.
It was terrifying. I would never show it, but I was always terrified.
The people I stood around. Some were monsters, and some where villains. But I never let that stop me. For my kind of attitude, the sort that tried its best to be good? It got me one or two friends. Some of these people recognized me for at least the use I gave in collecting goods.
The knight of picking flowers.
That's what I was. And I was okay with faking the title for a little bit, if only to share.
When I left, I left everyone else behind for the promise of a safe home. I was not frozen in fear, like when I stared up at the wendigo, nor was I brave in the face of violence to protect the shinobi girl.
This was a conscious decision I made, to leave everything behind again. And the worst thing that could possibly happen, happened. When I had settled into this new home? I exchanged letters, regret pouring out of my chest like blood pumping out of a wound. With her. Clairemont.
She understood. She supported my decision. She...
...
I resented her for neglecting me and all the work I put in to be by her side, to hold onto the echo of Solan. I let these unspoken feelings corrupt my decision-making. Lust. Cowardice. Resentment.
But she accepted my words.
That is the worst thing that could have happened. If I had a reason to reinforce these cowardly feelings, life could be so much easier. But now... I'll have to keep moving forward. I have to make good to my oath.