2216 AC
pg...?
Control is an illusion. Freedom is an illusion.
"Endure" they tell me. "Survive" they tell me.
"For him" they tell me.
It hurts.
"You're needed here."
Am I?
How much more?
"Your endurance is not a virtue."
It really isn't.
"Adding on to your suffering does nothing except break you,
and turn you into the tool you have despised desiring to become."
You're right.
How much longer?
We push, we push, we push, we push - forward.
Backward.
Everyone around me keeps moving on with these losses.
How long has it been since you sacrificed yourself for me, Cola?
Losing you has been an anchor on my heart that sends it into the dead sea.
And I sit with my anger. I sit with my suffering. I sit with my frustration.
How long has it been now since she took you from us, Galahad?
You were the person I put my hopes on the most.
I sit and contemplate how fucked up living to endure an endless war... so that we can die to fight another one is.
I think, often, about when I had that experience with death.
I think, often, often, often... about how much we've all had to endure since then.
My body is in so much pain. That's just what happens, I guess, when you're not enough.
I'm starting to break. In a way that can't really be 'fixed'.
Why am I alive, instead of the both of you?
The children are doing well, at least. Liora will be happy to be an older sister. I hope.
Freya should be happy for more nieces or nephews and so on. ...I hope.
I wonder how long it'll be, now.
Until I can finally die.
I've got a longer road ahead of me.
And a chat with Vinaska to make.
No more endless war. Need something more permanent.
I don't know how much more I can endure.
That's the least I can do.
Fighting's all I'm good at even if I'm hardly good at it, after all.
Might as well put it to use in a way that makes it so my children don't experience the same suffering I am.
Let me have my rest, when it happens. I've fucking earned it.
Choosing 'good' is so difficult. I'm still trying.
pg...?
Control is an illusion. Freedom is an illusion.
"Endure" they tell me. "Survive" they tell me.
"For him" they tell me.
It hurts.
"You're needed here."
Am I?
How much more?
"Your endurance is not a virtue."
It really isn't.
"Adding on to your suffering does nothing except break you,
and turn you into the tool you have despised desiring to become."
You're right.
How much longer?
We push, we push, we push, we push - forward.
Backward.
Everyone around me keeps moving on with these losses.
How long has it been since you sacrificed yourself for me, Cola?
Losing you has been an anchor on my heart that sends it into the dead sea.
And I sit with my anger. I sit with my suffering. I sit with my frustration.
How long has it been now since she took you from us, Galahad?
You were the person I put my hopes on the most.
I sit and contemplate how fucked up living to endure an endless war... so that we can die to fight another one is.
I think, often, about when I had that experience with death.
I think, often, often, often... about how much we've all had to endure since then.
My body is in so much pain. That's just what happens, I guess, when you're not enough.
I'm starting to break. In a way that can't really be 'fixed'.
Why am I alive, instead of the both of you?
The children are doing well, at least. Liora will be happy to be an older sister. I hope.
Freya should be happy for more nieces or nephews and so on. ...I hope.
I wonder how long it'll be, now.
Until I can finally die.
I've got a longer road ahead of me.
And a chat with Vinaska to make.
No more endless war. Need something more permanent.
I don't know how much more I can endure.
That's the least I can do.
Fighting's all I'm good at even if I'm hardly good at it, after all.
Might as well put it to use in a way that makes it so my children don't experience the same suffering I am.
Let me have my rest, when it happens. I've fucking earned it.
Choosing 'good' is so difficult. I'm still trying.