[akemimera]

Dear self contained thoughts on paper, your writer is currently stressed.

Not of war although there have been a few of those, not of death, that will come for all eventually. No what I am stressed over is if I have the capability to be a proper mom for my future kids. Caldera, bless his heart and soul, at least shares that worry with me in his own regard. Neither of us likely planned for this, although I did at least make sure to write the recipes down for the Bluestone in here, on the off chance my kids go snooping through my things after I retire. If fighting isn't for them, at least another path would be waiting.

Will it be enough?

We've started from nothing but goodwill of others, surely having something prepared as an option would make it easier..

What if you make a mistake?

Then we learn from it. Having a kid isn't easy, even I know that from how often I hear others stressing over them.

You'd think surviving Hel's flames, and its Nethradin, several wars, and more then a few attacks would drill the fear out of one. No, if anything, it just reinforced the fact I so desperately wish my kids do not have to make the same choices I did. Choices have to have weight, otherwise why did you make them? The burdens one carries shouldn't ever be passed to another.

On the off chance my children ever read this in the future, I just want you to know, that no matter what choice you make, as long as you stick with it to the very end, your mother would be proud of you. 

And if your my dear Husband reading this, you could always just talk to me, instead of reading my ramblings on paper.

Perhaps in a few months, I will ask Caldera to join me on a little getaway. Somewhere with nice open skies, and a great view...

Something to at least remind us why we accept the costs we do. And maybe, just a bit of selfishness to have a moment of happiness in a land that is currently in a lack of such.

That being said, I shall close this entry here. My husband wanted to show me something tomorrow, and I should at least give it the attention it deserves.