[~Aoria-sama~]

There seems to be a new entry within the journal of Ulfric cos Salis. It seemed to be a far in between occurrence, yet the entry is larger. Perhaps the reason for this would be explained inside. The handwriting is a bit sloppy, as if written in haste. Emotion.

Year: 1758 AC. First quarter.


What's the cost of protecting the ones you love? It isn't merely injuries, it's something deeper. Especially when you are unable to succeed, and get your ass handed to you. I know this from experience, unfortunately. My sister's behavior is questionable, as are her ignorant decisions. I saw her with him, one of the ones who'd tried to rob me as a child within Nysea's walls.  I lost my cool, and I may have went about handling it the wrong way. At that time, all I saw was someone dangerous with my sister. I acted out of my mind. Told him not to put a hand on my sister, which only prompted him to pull her hair. When he did that though? I lost it. I attacked him. All of the control I worked so hard for gone to waste, because all I wanted in those moments? Was to rid the world of this vile person who had tugged ant-agonizingly at my sisters hair.

I blamed her for my injuries. I yelled and screamed at her, called her an idiot. Was it really her fault? No. It was mine. I had no right to put that blame on her. Because of my actions I will suffer with phantom pain in my right arm, for the rest of my life. Even if it had been repaired as best as it could be.  A lesson learned.

The pain of losing my father overwhelms me sometimes. No, he isn't dead. But honestly? It feels like he is. He abandoned his children for his duties abroad, and sometimes I forget I am not the only one hurting. I am so sick of this constant weight on my shoulders to fill his shoes. To protect our family, provide. But as Emily told me, it's not my responsibility to be a father. All I can do is be the best brother I can be- which means apologizing when I am wrong...And I was, wrong.  So I told Emily that, and for once? I saw her at her weakest. I saw my sister cry, and express false hope that one day, he will return to us completely.

Fucking hell. She told me that maybe if she earned enough money selling potions and helping support us, our dad would come back and retire. I had never wanted to cry so bad in my life. In those moments, I could barely hold my composure. All I could do was hug her. I didn't have the heart or strength to tell my sister, that none of that mattered....

Our father is gone.

It's a shame, but I am coming to terms with it. I've been focusing on my goals. One of which, have been accomplished. I am officially a knight of the First Light. I've been working my entire life toward this goal, and there's nothing more fulfilling than reaching that goal. My drive to protect has become more refined, and less impulsive. Patience. I've learned patience.  I continue to spar with Philip and Twilly, even Emily. I learn of Myllenoris, it's culture and religion, from Kiastara. I have come to terms with where we are now, within Myllenoris. I've even come to enjoy it. 

My hope for Nysea is not lost. I am not lost.

Except when it comes to girls. When it comes to girls, I am indeed, lost. Only one girl interests me. Only one.

That's a whole other problem, entirely.


-Ulfric cos Salis

P.S.- Emily has paid me back all 9,000 
coins that she stole from me.
I'm surprised hell didn't
freeze over.