[mat13295]

My fingers roll over the words yet again. Words I'm very well aware I should never be reading. Over text detailing what some would even argue to be one of the greatest taboos in this land and even beyond.

And yet I continue to read. I continue to study. I even came to practise what was laid out in this foul book that the old guardian bound my soul to. Why do I always find myself drawn to these dusty pages? For progress? To fix the mistakes made by those in the eastern provinces?

Or is it like I once told her? For that hate in the pit of my stomach I've lived with since they took it all away? I truly don't know. I only know what is written before me. What the very world around us feels as I tear open another hole in hope that this disgusting knowledge will somehow save Esshar from the gate. That I'll be able to make up for my cowardice as a child. If only I could have been as brave as you, dear sister. That you didn't have to fight that.. Thing on your own. I truly am pathetic. It's what you'd tell me for wallowing in this guilt and loss.

You'd probably be making fun of me now if you were still alive. From how I act, the way I talk. Probably make fun of me for not knowing what's going on in my heart with Chiase. I wish you were here with me. In fact.

.........

There may even be a way. Perhaps not for you. Nor for Finely. But for any others we may lose. Will lose.

Another book is drawn in front of me. One Ten provided me for my services. He claims it's filled with chapters on magitech. This is true, there are chapters detailing in depth the fusion of magic and technology in a way that mimics the creations of the late Barsburgian colony on Esshar. But he doesn't know what else is in here. A book that's clearly a student of some sort from the academy. One that had written notes on their subject. Of course, most of it seems to be merely mimicking what their mentor would have told them.

But there's more knowledge within this book. Studies into something that is familiar yet so foreign. Something taboo. Perhaps...If it comes to it. I will need to begin studying it further in depth.

I don't think I'd be able to handle to lose another I cared for, sister. 

So, this is what i am, i suppose now dear sister. An artificer. A doctor. A scholar. And the archivist of the taboo magics.