[SilkiyTea]

ser·vi·tude

noun
noun: servitude

1. The state of being a slave or completely subject to someone more powerful.
   

It is simple. An understanding. There is The Master, and there is The Servant. The Servant lives a life of subservience, of servitude. Live for the Master, breath for the Master, hurt for the Master. Perform all menial tasks the Master sees fit. Kill for the Master. And if need be, die for the Master. This is what my Mother, my Father, and my Brother taught me. My Mother, Father, and Brother were my family. No, no, that isn't right. That isn't even remotely close to being right. My Mother, my Father, and my Brother were my...

I remember now! As clear as the ocean waves. My Mother did every menial task I asked of her. My Father would lie for me, to keep me out of trouble. My Brother would kill every little pet he got, when I asked so sweetly and nicely! They all loved to see me smile. To see me happy! They were overjoyed when I praised them. Overjoyed when I gave them smiles and hugs! We were a family. No. No. A child cries for the losses of their families. I did cry. But I did so because I was expected to. Silly brother. Silly silly sibling! And when his head rolled, it had been so so hard to suppress a giggle! I remember the look on his face, pain and fear. Pain and fear... As a servant should feel, in its Master's steed. Yes. I was the...

Being the Master never made me happy. It never did. It never could. So when each went buh-bye, I decided I would be the slave. I was suffering without my Slaves. So a Master must be suffering without their own. I could BE that person. I could BE simple! Stupid! Plain! I could SMILE like my Mother did. I could sing like my Father did. I could...  , like my Brother did. I remembered their rules. Their stories. What they taught me, so crystal crystal clear within my mind! I would not just be a servant, I would be the perfect servant! The best best best! Servant. I would die for my Master. I would kill for my Master. And as long as they kept me? I would be happy happy happy! Just like my family slaves were. I could finally feel something. Anything. Please. Anything.... But then I did what a Servant should not do.

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I was too weak. I was too weak. I was too weak. The pain, it hurt so, so much. Delightful it was, to hurt for my Master. To bleed, at the boots of his enemies. I still hear the boiling. But I did something stupid. Something silly. I held faith. I held hope. A foul. Disgusting thing that still pervades me to this day. That they would trade for a pathetic. Little. Insignificant. Boy! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I was so STUPID! I should have offered myself. I should have started threatening to hurt, harm, bleed. Goody two shoes second-guess themselves when children cry! I could have cried louder. I could have screamed until my throat went hoarse. But I was a fool. A fool. A fool.

Mieu. Mewyu? I never saw his face. I know his name. I know his name. I know his name. I am going to hurt him. Within his dreams. I will tear his little eyes out. Squeeze them in my palm... Till he wakes up screaming. Screaming. Screaming. Soon, I will at least have some form of vengeance. Soon. I will rectify. This error. Master Vortissax. I will make them bleed. I will make them whimper. I will break them. And I shall do so with a smile! :)

I failed. When did I fail? How did I fail? Do you know that I was harmed by an Aenite? Is it because I am not as smart as you? That I do not ruminate. That I wish to hurt, to feel. To inflict pain, to feel. To be noticed, to feel. You are my Master. I live for my Master. I die for my Master. I breath for my Master. Failure is not an option, and when a Servant takes that non-option. Then one of two things happen to the Servant. You must know what it is, don't you? What happens when a servant fails. When they disobey. When they take the non-option, they are...

If the Master sees that their slave tried tried tried so hard! Than the slave will be punished. They will be hurt. Mentally, or physically. Perhaps both! It is a sign that the Master sees use in the Slave still. It is a good thing to be punished for a failure. It is a reminder, that you are still seen by your Master. Adored by your Master. Useful to your Master. But to be discarded? No. No no. No. A horrible fate. Worse than death. What then? What then? Wander until someone picks a rusted, half-broken tool off the ground? You useless sack of shit. No good. Worthless. Worthless. Better off dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead!

I seek to be punished for my failures. I was once. Distance. It hurt. Being so far away, where I could not take orders. Where I could not tend to your Will. Where I could not hurt those who could wrong you. Where I could not die for you. It was horrible, the worst, I wanted to die. But I knew that would be another failure! Another merit! I could not have that, I could not could not could not! And it was glorious when I returned to your side once more! When I got to act as your blade. As your Will. As it should be. But then you turned me into a...

I thought it meant I was to be a Work of Art. Immaculate. Irreplaceable. The CUTEST servant! The BEST servant the STRONGEST servant! It would solidify me as a Servant. Whose will was only yours. And yet. That title became more Prelavent. A Hand. No. The Hand. No. Your Hand. The Hand of the Fel Khan. The Hand of Sak'Noth. I was to make decisions on your behalf. It is through that title that I ruined. Everything. I. Held. Dear. And the emotion. The hate. The swelling anger. Was so. Delightful. They're. All. Gone. Now. Not even a vestige within empty. Analytical eyes. It should be me Analyzing YOU. Not even a sliver of skin, to remember YOUR face. My friends are gone. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead! One by my hand, the other stolen from me when it should have been me that killed you. Me. ME ME. And I realize now. I realize now. I am acting for the betterment of Abendrot. But Abendrot. Is not my Master. It is a city. A useless. Worthless place. Filled with faces I seek praise and adoration from.

But I do not care about the betterment of Abendrot. I never have. It has always been for the Will of My Master. Then. You took on a new Servant. I have been replaced. I have not been made into the perfect tool. A flawless weapon. You elevated me. Master... You... You...

I hope you shall come to your senses. Master. I hope so. Dearly. I am aimless. I feel aimless. But at least, I can obey. Still. Obey. It is all I have. I am Myarsie Feldean. And I am...

[SilkiyTea]

Today I forgot how to brew Fantasia.

A strange thing to realize.

One moment the ingredients were on the tip of my tongue.

Shattered dreams. Hopes and desires.

Ambitions and emotion. Gone. Like the wind.

I can still remember how to make the potion of..

Potion... Potion...

What was it called again.

My Medicine. It's my medicine.

It's my Medicine.

It's my Medicine.

I feel. I feel like I'm forgetting something. What was it she said.

I can't remember. It's a bit foggy.

Foggy....

Tomorrow I saw my body move without my command.

I heard a voice that was distinctly mine, and yet not.

I said things I would never say, nor mean.

I felt things I have never felt, nor ever would.

I'm exhausted. I'll let him do the talking for me.

When I wake up? When I wake up...

When I wake up.

I'll make his life hel.

All of the meaningless names and faces he's met.

All those smiling, caring, loving people.

Oh I will have so, so much fun.

It'll be just like old times, brother.

Stripping away your smiles.

Then watching you die.

Just like old times.

Now let me sleep...