[GSM]

I'm terrible with words.

I'm still just as introverted as I was back then, when you found me by chance.
I'd much rather be in solitude than beheld with a dozen of the friends I've made over the years.
Yet it is the innate freedom where I push through the boundaries,
The bravery to do what I normally can't,
The wish to do and see new things.
I've been traveling in place, moving so much, without needing to take another step away from you.

I wish the drawings I made could make up for that deficiency,
But you always know just what to say to make my heart dive and beat.
Once, I believed I couldn't be loved, as stupid and false a notion that is—
And you proved just how wrong my own insecurities are, all those years ago.

I was… different then, wasn't I?
A scared young woman with my head in the clouds, always drawing what I saw,
Hopeful that those artworks would survive if I vanished.
Yet, in an odd twist of fate, I outlived most of my subjects.
Maybe that's why I got scared when you told me those words.
"I might be dying."

This reality is cruel, and this life is a test for many.
No child of ours deserved the grief of losing their father;
I didn't want to lose the husband I'd found in the depths of despair.
I asked, I pleaded, I broke more times than I'd admit to you.
But it was when I prayed, when I reached to the threads of the lifestream,
It was only then, with my patron's link to yours, that I could save you.

… I could have a million years to try to put the words in place, and I'd still come up short.
But the times we spent in that cozy home of yours within the realms,
The mountain's peak we visited together, drawing what once was,
The depths of the deepest pit we shared our first kiss in,
Each and every time I was afraid for my life, where my faith was tested,
I don't remember my vows to my patron,
But I remember every second I spend with you.

I might seem so far above, but we travel together, upon each of our wings.
For so long, I asked, just for one more year.
Now that I have twenty-two, I count every extra year as another blessing.
I'll count it by your side, making new memories all the while.

I may be terrible with words,
But from Life to Death,
I know the only words that truly matter for us.
All you need to know, no matter how much I say it—

I love you.

[GSM]

I woke up like last night, hoping it’d be your warmth I wake up next to.
I watched as the graveyard got more and more lively, and I was powerless to stop it.
I couldn’t ignore the fact that you saw their graves more than ever last year.
I woke up like last night, knowing what you did.

You vanished.

I woke up and walked that brisk step through the continent.
And I saw that you joined them.

It all happened like you said it would.
One day, my selfish prayers would stop, and you’d be gone.
I’m the childish one for hoping it’d be different.
How am I supposed to tell our daughter, our friends?

What am I meant to do?

I don’t know. I really don’t have answers anymore.
It all feels like it’s all one big fucking cosmic joke, and I’m the punchline.
My husband, the love of my life, the light of my life—

Irreversibly, gone. Not meant to be anything more than an ephemeral memory.
Twisted into something unrecognizable by a girl with dreams bigger than her head can muster.
Bound for the very fate you avoided, year after year, until you decided it was over.

I still haven’t processed it.
I doubt I ever will.

Color lost vibrancy, breath lost purpose, food lost taste.
I can’t even get myself to move half the time.
How pathetic is that, Chireus’s Chosen unable to get her feet to step forward?
I’m nothing without you, it feels like.
And all this pain was self-inflicted, because I loved what was already lost.

How long will it be until all I can remember of you is what’s sketched in my books?
How long will it be until I forget what your voice sounds like?
How long will it be until the promise we held disappears from some twisted, divine law?

And now look at me.
I can’t even say ‘I love you’ to the grave you left behind.

I lost that ability.

I can’t say that phrase at all.

… wherever you’re watching from, I hope you realize what that promise meant.
I don’t plan on joining you for some time.
The me you loved probably doesn’t exist, anymore.

I’ll see you later.

I’ve got to stare in the mirror in my now-blind eyes and see just what I did to myself.

I hope you hate what I’m seeing, too.

[GSM]

It's all so cold.

I lost my last line of defense.

The only man I could have ever called a constant presence in my life.
Before Jegnal, who helped me with getting over my grief.
Before Bartholomew- Bartomeus- when I was still as lost as he was.
Before everything, I knew him, and he helped me become who I am today.

Garret.

... I lost everything.
The corpse I loved,
the statue I helped,
the visage I cried on.

All in ten years.
... and I still wasn't strong enough.

...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD FEEL,
BUT EVERY SINGLE FUCKING INCH OF ME IS EMPTY AND ENRAGED.

HOW MANY MORE HAVE TO DIE?

HOW MANY? GIVE ME A FUCKING NUMBER. TELL ME.

I WATCHED AS HE TURNED INTO FUCKING DUST.

THE BEST MAN I EVER KNEW GOT SLAUGHTERED BY SOME WHORE.

MY HUSBAND DIED IN THE ARMS OF MY DAUGHTER.

NO FUCKING MORE.

I AM GOING TO RIP EVERY SINGLE FUCKING VEIN OUT FROM THE INSIDE OF YOUR NECK WITH MY BARE GODS-DAMNED FINGERNAILS. EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU IS A WALKING TARGET, TWO TIMES OVER, AND THE ONLY TIME I WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN IS IF THE SHIT YOU PREACH AND EAT AND WORSHIP IS NOTHING MORE THAN CRAWLING FUCKING MAGGOTS. I HATE YOU. I HATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. IF THERE WAS EVEN A CHANCE THAT HEL COULD SHOW YOU HALF OF THE FURY I FEEL, I'D STILL STRANGLE YOU A MILLION TIMES OVER.

TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME.

THE WOMAN YOU KNOW IS GONE.

NOTHING WILL BRING HER BACK.

READY?
I SURE AS FUCK HOPE YOU ARE.
BECAUSE YOU BETTER BE, SO I FEEL BETTER WHEN IT'S ALL OVER.