[Callen200]

Am i a good Mercenary? 

am i carrying on my fathers legacy well? is mom proud of me..

and is my little brother back home with mom and dad happy to see his big sister move to meranthe and survive on her own?

Questions beat inside her head.. though entering her apartment she sits on her bed taking her armor off, hair flowing down finally.. the helmet was off.
memories of people calling her mean and rude ring in her mind but many things hollow out before she went to sleep, her hand grazing the giant demons claw mark on her bare chest.

A Nightmare

You let Lokhos get injured.. so selfish to think you call them a friend

Did you enjoy watching his arm get blasted off?

Oh boy! look at him now having little heart attacks due to this encounter!

All: All because of you!

The Woman would suddenly Wake up Drenched in sweat as voices beat into her mind.. she watched her room stay dark
The voices they keep blaiming her for her Lokhos.. and she felt guilty, though Sunset tried her best to explain
Its never enough, she watched it all happen as Illusions of her own magic.. the mercenary begins to watch the fight again..

please.. i don't want to see this anymore!
i tried my best!
i even attacked the demon and took revenge for Lokhos-

No you didn't.. you simply felt pity and attacked

You think that Lokhos finds you a friend.. the boy barely cares to call you by your name

You are simply a tool, to forever be a terrible person to.. poor Lokhos

All: Cathrine Silver.. this is why you have no friends

Suddenly Her body begins to sweat, her blood starts to boil.. she hated this feeling as her body starts to grow
Eight feet tall.. to seven.. to ten, even twelve at one point, constantly growing and shrinking
Before finally.. She rampages.. Tossing over Lamps and Tables, smashing the bed with her battleaxe
Hours go by as screams would be heard anger and a bit of tears.. yet in the mists of night.. it fell to silent ears

She rampaged until morning as she wakes up covered in sweat and back to normal size
Its unknown why she is acting this way but she noticed the Damage of the place and attempted to clean it up.. 
But a bird dropped a letter in her mailbox as she went to go get it hearing a noise seeing its another job.. and thus she ran out as fast as she could
To meet her client.


Pain and guilt follow this Woman.. a Mercenary with pain to make true friends
A Mercenary.. who is not ready to fail at being a good friend if it comes to happen.
And most importantly
A Mercenary who just wants to Be Recognized 

[Callen200]

The days turn to months, months turn to years as my adventure always continues a mercenary for hire is what i called myself.. yet i feel different. Normally its what i would go by but after my Month talking with Rued i learned of things that changed me, to die with reason, to fight with reason, yet here i stand in my house alone and bored, Lokhos by my side and i feel complete yet something is lost.

Something is lost?

I feel complete yet after dropping my Mercenary job.. i thought i would be happy and i do, yet at the same time i feel empty, i thought my father set a path for me, to be like him and support our family back home with coins, but the words of Rued continue to beat in my skull, 'Die as Expendable' 'For your family to wait for a letter for it never to arrive'

So many words of Rued just continue to cause me to stay wake at night, i feel my shadow magic creeping around the room, illusions constantly showing me images of my family in pain due to my death.. but in the morning i stand here in the Kingdom dawning their armor and robes with.. Pride.. Pride? its strange to once dawn the Mercenarys code. to never allign with a faction or place and yet here i am, its so.. different.

The kids all around me they.. love me? but do i love them back? to think im just a simple Sword user yet they.. tell me they love me and im their best friend..

Doubts

Why do the kids want to love me? can't they see if they grow with me.. if i die they will hurt.. just go away.. don't build a bond with me for once i am gone.. its only going to Rip like flesh, the pain won't leave as you Mourn my death.. but at the same time i fail, my mental state causes me to tell them that i love them, even if i hesitate to do such words.


So here i lay in my house.. next to the kingdom and water my crops, fish from time to time and have people around me that.. enjoy my company? its so strange yet i feel.. Different, without a Mercenary Gig keeping me flowing i feel so different but i suppose its what my Dad wants, for me to forge my own destiny, i feel so strange, dawning armor of a Kingdom i barely know yet.. complete all the same, we fight the Fel, and lokhos is right next to me, i should feel happy and i do.. maybe it will take time to adjust but perhaps i need to calm down and water my crops or go see what the kids want, perhaps to play tag or something, So full of youth they are yet i am bound to see them happy.

Ah.. i should stop writing in this damn Diary and go outside.. i have things that need to be done and quests that need to be settled..

End of Journal Log 2100 AC

[Callen200]

Amist the forge of The Silver household she works tiresome through some of the night
Hammer smacking on Metal and her walls lined with blueprints of her soon to be weapon.
But something stops her Mid work as a crying child caused her to exit her storage room and head upstairs
Only to return with a small child that would be hers

Aw there there little one.. did i wake you up? im sorry, come help Mother with her project -Cathrine Silver

The child was given a bottle as she begins to work on her sword a bit more, 
Oricalcum and Tyrium, Eternite and all sorts of metals being used, going right in the furnace.
Her child would simply Be relaxing on a chair drinking out a little Cup watching her mother work.

The hours go on as Her project was going to get done, Tymon and many others soon to help her.
Sweat drips down her face as The work was yet to be finished.
The known teacher trying to master her blade but also teach the people of meranthe invisibility

But something catches her eye

The child of Cathrines would begin wanting to help as their finger raises and the Very sand begins to Levitate to their finger
This caused her to.. stop working as she watches in Awe, her child finally learning to tap into something
A Tear rolls down her Face as she lifts her child and smiles happily.

You have your fathers Magic.. to mold the very sand to your command
Im so proud of you, you are my everything just like Lokhos.
Come on my little Silver lets head to bed.

She drapes over a Little Blanket over her project and begins to pick up her child 
Taking them upstairs only to find a sleeping lokhos in bed
Thus cathrine would place her child in their crib and tuck them in, a kiss resting on their forehead
Her fingers wind up a small little Toy as little wooden sheep and cows spin round and round.
Before finally the child went to sleep.

Oh my little Silvers.. how much i love all of you, Lokhos you gave me the very thing i wanted, a loving family and a wonderful husband

Our date life was short but we grew so fast, a child was born out of our desires as they even dawn yours and my hair color, a mix of black and orange, blue eyes from their mother

ide do anything to see my family stay like this.. i want it to never end- Cathrine Silver

Silence falls in the house of the Silver family
its almost to silent..

Suddenly.. she stares at her husband and child fast asleep.. yet cathrine could not sleep
Shadow arms brush the childs face as Cathrines hand brushes lokhos hair only for shadows to drip off her like water.

The floor cracks just a small bit as time magic starts trying to dry rot the floor but she spoke only simple sentence with a tear of black shadow down her eye.

I want this to never end.. to see our dream never end but i know one thing.. Ill kill all the fel..

Ill make sure this Dream never ends, because the day you die..

I might loose myself..

Finally her body starts to spark green lightning of time magic, Tears running down her face
Tears of sadness as the globe reminds her of a fate she hates to see
Tears run down her face of shadow.. like Ink before soon
It stops

Enough tears for one night as time magic fixes the minor damage.. her body tucks into bed
Fully embracing Lokhos as the Silver family get their well deserved rest.
Tomorrow was another day

You can only rewind time so much.. for the clock must keep ticking forward
No matter how much we want to go back
Tomorrow is another day

Tomorrow is another day-

[Callen200]

The forge it swirls and steams, work has finally been done due to the efforts of Cathrines friends.
A Weapon to finally aid in the Pushing back of the Fel, to see a better tomorrow.

But As the woman stares at the blade.. soon to Get the finishing touches done by herself.
The job was done but now its time for a walk.

Cathrine moved and thus she did, past Serenity and towards EDEN and what it used to be, The night was still full as she simply stares at the destroyed place she once called Friends.

Way before Serenity or anything, Before She Followed a Faith, they where weird but she enjoyed the time with them somewhat.

Soon walking up the Steps she sat on a broken Bench of sorts.. memories trickle in of Ult and Abysmal as she talks to herself.

Hello Ult.. Abysmal.. its good to see you, I have grown as a person but sometimes i do miss you, I don't know if you are still alive Ult, i barely leave the sands of Serenity, Abysmal.. we barely talked but you treated me as a Friend, i met good people here before i knew about your practices
I understand that we chose different paths, its how life goes but I wish i knew you better, i would like to say we are friends

I met Eyihl here.. such a lost Batkin.. the world wishes her death but i know she can change, Don't end up like Sleever.. you deserve to live

I- i miss all of you..

Her mind wavers if Ult and Abysmal are even alive, as Suddenly she felt her heart race and beat, before long.. she had her moment as Tears fall down her helmet, Time magic begins to Spark around her, Time felt like it slows down as Shadows drip off her body, it pools under her feet as she just take this moment to shed tears for Abysmal and Ult, Even Eyihl.

Soon enough Illusions swirl around her Creating illusions of All three of them, Even the Mugens Hugging them all as All she feels like now is Pain in her heart.
Hours pass as she enjoys her personal moment before speaking once more to her false illusions of her friends.

I made friends with a kitsune named Numei, More feral than normal but shes learning to speak and i even showed her their dead child they lost
Oh.. Eyihl I know that may upset you, but know you are my friend still, The people in Serenity would take time to accept you again but i know you can change, it just takes time you know.. to write over the wrongs you have done, Maybe our talk very soon will clear your mind, But i think one day we can all be happy togethe-!!

HEY! WHO GOES THERE!
COME OUT AND SHOW YOURSELF!

Soon enough someone Comes from the dark and shouts out.. perhaps someone looking for other Members of Rise or just scouting the area.
The time was now to depart as Cathrine would channel her Illusions and Shadows.
Her body turning more into the grass and trees of what used to be EDEN
She phases more out of Reality and starts to be harder to see, as she hugs her illusions of her Friends.

Its time to go.. Ult.. Abysmal.. Eyihl.. i miss all of you, Now i must go

Finally after she spoke her words She Fled as her illusions fade and vanish of her friends, Her body walks in the shadows
Traveling back to Serenity as All that was left in The grass of what used to be EDEN.. was A Small Sinka flower.

[Callen200]

Through the mist of the Silver household in the dead of night something stirs.
Cathrine fast asleep in her bed but nightmares continue inside her mind.
Tossing and turning continues as suddenly in her mind the illusions play it over and over.
The death of Serenity and lokhos to werewolves as they fade to only show cathrine killed them herself.

"NO STOP I DIDN'T DO THIS! IM NOT A MONSTER!"

The woman shouted as the blood was spilled all over the sands of serenity
Many called her a demon for what she did as suddenly.. the woman would stare over lokhos's corpse inside her dream.
A Blood curdling scream echos in her nightmare before suddenly Cathrine woke up drenched in sweat and the hole in her chest lekking shadows.
The very eyes of her normally blue turned pitch black as she gets up hearing the voices.

"Those damn voices.. they are not real.. lokhos.. i need you.. don't leave me, serenity im sorry for what ive done"

Soon enough she begins to have her heartrate go insanely high
Rage enters her body as she falls out of bed and starts to Limp holding sword in hand
Ready to attack anything in sight.
The very House maid trys to Stop her as she stands there and stares at them.

"Cathrine! this is not like you! whats gotten into you!"

"...Flee"

The sword raises to strike down the maid but suddenly they Tackle Cathrine and pin them down.
But as they hug Cathrine she squirms in a fit of rage, shadows and time magic sparking in all directions.
The maid never let go and cried begging cathrine to come back to her senses as suddenly it happens..

Tears black as Tar
They fall down her face
Eyes slowly returning to normal color.

"Oh Alacraties.. what am i doing.. im.. im sorry.. please forgive me"

Cathrine begged the maid as they hug her as her Eternite sword drops out her hands onto the wooden floor.
Soon.. the only thing that saved her that night from an attack on the Fel or werewolves that night.. was the very maid they hired.
Minutes turn to hours as Cathrine calms down and the Maid helps her stand and gets her food and drink.
To quell the beast as the nightmare like episode comes to an end and she is forced to stay awake for the rest of the night.

Nightmares are not real.. They are not real..
They are not real..
They are not real..

[Callen200]

The years pass, the days go by so quickly as her body grows older

Yet as the used to be mercenary sleeps in bed suddenly she tossed and turned in her bed having another nightmare.

No- No please! i can't live without you lokhos! Minerva! the world is not the same without you

DON'T LEAVE ME!

- Cathrine Silver

Yet she had a nightmare flashing images of lokhos dead on the floor and the many people around her preparing for a funeral as its quite the irony

A Woman who cherished the concept of Life and death yet.. shes afraid of death and loosing what she needs to keep her sane

Sometimes im afraid of loosing what i want most in my life

One day good things have to come to an end

Even if you don't want them to go- Cathrine Silver

Slowly cathrines nightmare molds showing the many people of serenity, Rued, flown even Charlotte comforting her while they stare at the coffin of lokhos, already ready to burry and move on.

Yet as the people leave cathrine to herself, her heartstrings tug and she begins to channel her time magic and shadows, enveloping her like a barrier, static time lightning sparking in all directions.

As soon she begins to scream charging up as much mana as she has, The cows and many life around her starts to wither and decay rapidly

Her eyes going Pure Glowing red as shes consumed in rage, letting reality break and shatter around her finally cathrine Screams herself awake into reality as it was just a nightmare, tears running down her face.

O-oh.. it was just a dream.. gosh i preach about life and death like i fully grasp it yet.. i know its far from the truth- i need to plan my trip to Xuefeng soon.. just.. oh- Cathrine Silver

Seeing lokohos fast asleep in bed next to her made her smile, with tears down her face slowly grabbing some water before tucking her head back in his arms just to relax letting the sound of their soft breathing carry her back to sleep.

The one person that keeps her truely sane was Lokhos Silver, was it a nightmare? or reality of what will happen when he departs from the land of the living.. only time can tell

Nightmares don't come true..

Right?

[Callen200]

Months go by since Charlotte and cathrine talked,

That night in the Star bar- visions remind her of Charlotte crying as they promised to always be there for her- 

Don't leave me- i want to burry you under the cherry blossom tree when you and maduka grow old- Cathrine Silver

It rings and calls- yet in serenity it was getting nighttime as lokhos asked cathrine if shes coming to bed "In a minute dear ill head to bed"

Such soft words given by the giant yet lokhos heads to sleep getting tucked in.. but as the night begins to envelop meranthe cathrine sat there in her kitchen pondering charlottes words.

I promise- we will be friends till the end- Charlotte Nightwalker

They echo in the giants mind..
Constantly ringing as finally she jolts up and decided to head out of her house in the darkness

Dashing through trees and taking to the shadows- Yet hours pass as she makes it to Prospera the city of gold

Avoiding the guards she slips deeper into her shadows jumping over fences and using illusions to distract guards just to make it to Charlottes house

Lights still on in the house yet cathrine decided to make her rounds- turning the doorknobs and checking if they are locked- oh!

Tch- one if these doorknobs is loose- the henges is a bit messed up- whoever made this house did a sub-par job.. i got you charlotte- Cathrine silver

A little Bit of Artificing runes and a good hammer tightens the door and fixes the henges as the door was locked and better than ever

Next was the windows making sure they are tightened as now..

The giant sits in the darkest edge of Charlottes house waiting..

Waiting..

She waits..

The lights finally went out- and with a sigh cathrine reaches in her pocket for a sinka flower leaving it firmly on the doorstep twined with illusions and time magic

Much better- sleep well charlotte my close friend- may you live safe and sound forever- Cathrine Silver

Yet the guards are making rounds torches out as suddenly Cathrine casts illusions of a hooded person running off into the bushes to distract the guards.

It goes off with a hitch- Heh.. being a mercenary is quite nifty.. some tricks to get the heat off you

But like the silence of the wind- the giant begins to alter reality around her- speeding her body up with time magic and departs home

Back to serenity- to sneak back into her house and sleep the rest of the night away.

But one last word was muttered from cathrine before she slept.

Friends.. till the end.. Charlotte- Just smile.- Cathrine Silver