[Lucky Fool]

“Have you ever felt that you lived past the point you were supposed to die?”

It feels as though such a question is rarely asked as many would simply answer ‘no’ or ‘what kind of question is that’. Which, of course, is fair. It isn’t something one can just speak upon in casual conversation, even less so in moments with those close to you without an odd look or two cast your way. Living in the moment is, in truth, human.

Yet this question has long since buzzed away in the back of my mind. How many times have I eluded death? How many times have I been told…
“You’re going to suffer a lot on this path…”

“It’s your choice, hero..!"

“Live in their name.”

Why, though? To suffer is to be human, without doubt, but why should such be told and charged to the one others have called-
“You’re a good man.”

“I want to be like him when I’m a Knight.”

“You’re a hero.”

For it is the other side of the coin, I suppose, and so that others may not face such a thing instead. This much was already known to me as a Pylaen before They left me. A Constant of Hope is nothing without the Constant of Despair. In order for one to act as a beacon for others one must also face the tides of despair for those they protect.

So why is it that I feel out of place? I should have died-
On the beach.

Within the ruins of my home.

Yet when I prayed for aid as a sword plunged deep into a friend’s chest, such words were not heard.
Yet as my home burned and I sought ways to provide Hope to my people, They cut me out and sundered me from their Faith.

Then it struck me.
It cradled me within its shade.
It was calming to realize such a truth.

I died long ago.

First upon the beachhead.

A second time beside my parents, right within the smoldering remains of my home.

Right at the turning point for Meranthe in that period of time.

All that is left of that man are hands; Hands that will claw, writhe, and struggle to grasp and cradle the Hopes of those around me. What else was he good at? What else have I done besides Hope for something greater for those around me? For if a Constant can not, will not, and shall not accept and back up the people who need Hope the most?

Then I will be their Guardian.

Regardless of the cost.

For Hope is never without its cost.
I've found my solace, but it is not within the light.