[akemimera]

I suppose it is a fitting time as any to organize my thoughts in a journal of sorts. Although i should maybe buy a better binding and lock for it, just in case. This one has seen some heavy use over the years.

Still despite the year long trip from what remained of my house to a land whose only highlight that even reached that far was a demon invasion of sorts, things were relatively calm. It was a terrible shame I couldnt bring the weapon I had trained with on the trip, but given everything perhaps that is for the best. Better to return later to claim it, then risk some bandit stealing it from me.

Even still my arrival to these lands were not without issue, as for some reason people of these lands look at maids strangly. I know not what has occured to gather such looks as those employed as such, at least in my hometown were both capable fighters as well as staff. Perhaps they are confusing the time honored tradition of professional work with that of harlots poorly pretending. It is the only reason I can think of for such looks. That or they are simply incapable of comprehending the difference.

All is not doom and gloom though, as only a few months of making money the old fashioned way, by strength of arms and beating the brakes off local wildlife, did I recieve formal employment. And a generous offer of pay and support at that. I am not at want for things, but even still I do try and keep my asks reasonable, lest this employement end far to soon from being greedy. Lately most of my tasks have been gathering things, most lumber and other tedious makework they did not wish to do, which I do not mind. It keeps my body in shape, and helps practice forms in the same go. There is nothing worse then being out of shape and not doing your job after all.

Now as two years of work pass, my employer has generously offered to find me an instructor for both medicine and holy magics. In that wait time, I will be furthering my own foundations, and building a stock of food materials to make more ornate dishes. A maid who cannot cook is a failure of such, and while I have perfected it, I am woefully understocked. Perhaps I should see if anyone will allow me to borrow a farm for a period, or consider finding my own small plot to grow on. A well stocked chef is a happy chef.

Perhaps in a few more years, I will have more to write in these pages, but for now this is enough.

[akemimera]

In the few years I have been in these lands, I have learned three things.

One, a great many people who live withing these lands are borderline schizophrenics or one bad day away from committing genocide.

Two, Much like a disease I fear I have started to understand the reasons behind the first.

Three, I am the most well paid and underworked maid I know of. I know not what watches over me, but I offer my thanks to them regardless.

But, it is not all that bad, all things considered. I have a stable job, nobody is trying to murder me, at least yet, and I have a place I can call home. I even have a cafe of sorts, even if nobody actually stops by. I swear people are allergic to sea water or something, with how much they avoid traveling to the various islands. Still in more recent events, I have slapped a prince sober, at his request mind, as being a consummate professional, standards have to be followed. I even remembered to swap out the plate gauntlets for silk gloves to avoid shattering his jaw.

That, and I have had the distinct.. I am not sure to say pleasure or suffering of being given a formal spar against the Caetheri Leadership. I would love to put down I won without issues, but that would be the boldest lie known to all. No, I was at best, holding on as best as I could. The Captain however I fought after, was close fights. Of the multiple bouts, I at least got one victory from it. And more importantly valuable knowledge and practice. Time will tell if such will prove useful or simply just be things I am aware of. Oh, and I am finally a certified medic, although I have found that most simply won't bother with a novice when seeking treatment. Such is life, I cannot blame them either. But I had excellent teachers all the same. I pray their health remains strong.

And before I forget, the most confusing thing was being granted the title of Captain. Truly a surreal appointment given those I have met that I'd say were better fits, but I am in no position to argue with the Crown on that matter. One must simply do ones job.

Perhaps however, while I wait for actual work, looking into these Tea Ceremonies, if at least to be able to do them properly for such guests that warrant such, shall help pass the time.

[akemimera]

It has been a great many years since I have written in here. And I have been brutally naive looking back at my past entries.

These lands are not just sick, no, that is an insult to sick lands. It would be far more accurate to say everything here is built on bodies and blood, both innocent and vile, freely given or taken with force. It matters not what flag flies, ALL are equally responsible for such. I have never truly felt disappointed in fellow sentient beings, but seeing these recent events, that statement has been made false. Even I am no longer exempt from such. Perhaps that is why I am so painfully aware of the state of affairs of late, because I have come to accept that there are no truly good people. Its all just varying shades of grey until it turns black.

Cynical, perhaps, but I like anyone who may read this to prove me wrong, to show me any proof that the above statement is false. I doubt they will succeed as no nation is without its bodies or blood. Some just have bigger unmarked graveyards then others. And they know who they are.

Perhaps I am worse then them, thinking about it. Options that others consider insane or overinflated responses, I consider solutions to problems. Yet I do not act on them, nor speak of it unless directly asked. I have read somewhere that the best option to surviving is having a plan to kill everyone you meet. I think that idea is rather small, as I have plans to end kingdoms I have visited, and I wouldn't even have to be there to do it, simply making use of the various things within each to accomplish such. However, even I know that such plans cannot come to fruition just because I have them. I am if anything honest, and straight forward. But I am also bound by contract, and only the worst kind of maid ever cause problems for their employer in the political landscape. Minor mistakes like broken dishes are to be expected, starting a war because of ones personal dislikes, you are not a maid, you are just a problem.

And this land has made it very clear, Problems tend to end up permanently ended.

So instead, I pour all these emotions into producing specialized wine, which is a rather amusing name, giving how strong they come out every time, giving rum and other hard liquors a run for its money. Perhaps that is why they come out so strong, and why I haven't actually snapped at someone.

Maybe, even Aethelwine understands, even if she might not approve. All I know is I will likely be dead before anything truly changes here. And that is probably what upsets me the most.

[akemimera]

Mm, fifteen years to enjoy the prime of my life, doing whatever I wish now that I am retired from the Navy. Thankfully, and perhaps for the best as the work is mostly deliveries, Nimbus Courier Service has seen fit to employ me. The only thing that still irks me is the fact my final battle while under banner was not a victory, but I can at least take pride that my efforts along with those present in defense of Antefinem won the war. More importantly none of my former employers were captured either.

They took my resignation with good graces, as I did always strive to provide the best services as an employee, and they allowed me to keep my cloak as a parting gift, although the ship was returned to the docks, for the next captain to come. It was given for duty, after all, it would be rather rude to not return such things after your duty ended. Professionalism to the end.

Sadly, due to the actions of others, I find myself barred from entry to cities, simply due to association, then actual actions. Things I know very little to nothing about spoken as if it was common knowledge to my face, leaving me with even more questions then I had before. I understand why it is such, despite disliking it so, and for that one I can at least sympathize even if I know practically only what others had said, and their own actions.

Still, things are not all bad, my body is still as intact as it is possible to be, despite several close calls, some far closer then I'd like to admit, but it is a plus. Not everyone in these lands seems to have that luck, whether through tier own choices, or the actions of others. Although.. Maybe since I am now free to enjoy life to myself, perhaps I should consider getting married. Having someone to spend time with does sound rather nice these days.

[akemimera]

Time really does move both quickly, and painfully slow at the same time. Friends I will never see again, and places slowly changed beyond what I recognize.

Still, at the age of thirty eight, I feel.. Old. Perhaps its old injuries that haven't healed right, or simply just exposure to the horrors this land can produce on a whim, but I know my time for being anywhere near combat is coming to a close. Perhaps, this is what Kosta meant when she said she was retired. The slight shaking in ones hands, the peripheral ghosts in ones vision.

But as I sit in my new business, with help from those that still remain from those I have met, I can't help but wonder, just how long until something comes along and ruins it. Perhaps its just me being unreasonably paranoid, but as I look at what happens around the world, I can't help but be such. Everything I liked in the last decade has changed so drastically, I can't even call it the same anymore.

But perhaps this is also the time to finish the menu.. Maybe name a few dishes after departed friends, and few after those that helped out. Still no idea where I am going to find squid ink in this country, but weirder things have been found, so it's not a total lost cause. Worst come to worst, I can always just ask around, somebody probably has what I seek in a chest somewhere. That, and perhaps I finally bother the Lumin-King in person for specialized lessons in the art of making tea. Coffee is easy, but tea.. Tea has so many extra steps it's hard to master. And I'd rather not cause diplomatic problems for the business by serving substandard tea.

But I think in my time here, I have also set the standard of what a maid should be, compared to what pretenders act like. So, that is one less regret I will take with me when I eventually pass.

[akemimera]

Four years since my last entry, things really have been busy. And the flames of war are on every horizon, as what I suspect will swiftly become a open war across the country stirs.

Still not all is as bad as it could be, the Fel's residences that do not exist beyond the mortal realm are all known, including their ships. A rather tedious scouting task that had been, but even they sleep long enough to pull off such. Even the towers hidden secrets were mapped. So even if I do die, that knowledge will persist.

A death that has now become a matter of certainty. It is not often one receives a declaration of death upon capture, and those are usually reserved for threats of great import. A raven with thirty years of mastering her foundations and making use of readily available equipment, and basic magics has apparently earned this cursed honor. I will not run from it, for if I leave my area of magic, there is nowhere to go. Long range magics are beyond my circuits and would sully the name of swordsman. Running away, well where would I even go? I am no shadow magi after all. But, even if I die, the fact remains I will be remembered by all, both friend and foe alike.

Although given the choice, death would wait until I am old and weary. I have been married, and while it may have been at the behest of another, the one I give my hand to is as reliable as they come, if a touch lacking in social tact. However, I cannot truly express just how shy I am when it comes to such matters, having to make use of my own magic to hide such from others. Thankfully, it is not all bad, as I can freely complain to others over tea about such trivial aspects of my life, at least taking the stress off my shoulders. I just hope that the man that will share my future at least finds me worth his time, for nothing would cut deeper then rejection.

As for the cafe, well, I have finally finished the menu, in full. Customers while few are at least repeat visits, and thanks to the efforts of a few friends and paid commissions, I am finally able to offer truly quality meals for reasonable prices. And while not quite ready to say my tea is good enough for even the Faeborne, the tea I do make at least pass the local Royalties tastes.

Oh, and I suppose I did also survive Helheim. I do not recommend it as a place to visit, given its near total state of war. Plus that near soul piercing cold, along with the beings that dwell there.. Unless you have a reason, avoid it.

Still from the small girl that had lost her home to Sanessa, to the one writing this now, it has been a very interesting life. I will just have to fight all the harder now to keep it going, as I won't have the option to not.

[akemimera]

Dear self contained thoughts on paper, your writer is currently stressed.

Not of war although there have been a few of those, not of death, that will come for all eventually. No what I am stressed over is if I have the capability to be a proper mom for my future kids. Caldera, bless his heart and soul, at least shares that worry with me in his own regard. Neither of us likely planned for this, although I did at least make sure to write the recipes down for the Bluestone in here, on the off chance my kids go snooping through my things after I retire. If fighting isn't for them, at least another path would be waiting.

Will it be enough?

We've started from nothing but goodwill of others, surely having something prepared as an option would make it easier..

What if you make a mistake?

Then we learn from it. Having a kid isn't easy, even I know that from how often I hear others stressing over them.

You'd think surviving Hel's flames, and its Nethradin, several wars, and more then a few attacks would drill the fear out of one. No, if anything, it just reinforced the fact I so desperately wish my kids do not have to make the same choices I did. Choices have to have weight, otherwise why did you make them? The burdens one carries shouldn't ever be passed to another.

On the off chance my children ever read this in the future, I just want you to know, that no matter what choice you make, as long as you stick with it to the very end, your mother would be proud of you. 

And if your my dear Husband reading this, you could always just talk to me, instead of reading my ramblings on paper.

Perhaps in a few months, I will ask Caldera to join me on a little getaway. Somewhere with nice open skies, and a great view...

Something to at least remind us why we accept the costs we do. And maybe, just a bit of selfishness to have a moment of happiness in a land that is currently in a lack of such.

That being said, I shall close this entry here. My husband wanted to show me something tomorrow, and I should at least give it the attention it deserves.