[B0b_J3ffers0n]

Capitulum Primum: Insecuritas.

~~~

"I've gotten used to the fact that you won't be #########."

It's so bright outside sometimes.

The sun is so blinding when reflected from golden glades.

Prismatic glimmers of rainbow hues are most blinding.

"Aren't they pretty?" I ask myself.

"Aren't they wonderful?" I repeat to myself.

"No matter how good it sounds... It will never be good enough for-"

Sometimes, I even have to squint.
The light feels so blinding.
It's radiance without peer.
And yet it's people shine brighter.
Standing amidst ash of golden light.
How suffocating.
How beautiful.

"Who am I even supposed to be?"

Titans walked these lands.

Their footsteps echoing through the hills.

A beautiful symphony.

A horrifying melody.

All to a tune none can hear any longer.

For all that remains now is a deafening silence.

"It's too much."

Cowards became men here.
Monsters earned their claws here.
And heroes were crowned here.
And yet all that lingers is ash.
How glorious it must have been.
How beautiful it would have been.

"I'm too weak to be like them."

[B0b_J3ffers0n]

Tempus Fluit; Ego Imperfectus Maneo.

---

I remember, so very long ago, the girl I used to be.
The praise I would hear, the wonder I would feel.
Yet, the imperfections that were sung to; the flaws that were leered at.
I remember them, I hear them, singing across my skin and seeping into my bones.
Time is a fickle thing,
It always moves forwards,
Yet many can only look at it's footsteps.
My blood is a thing of miracles.
My lineage is a thing of legend.
And yet: I feel as if I am ultimately lesser than those without it.

Time is a funny thing,
It races through all of us,
Yet none can truly tell what it takes from us.

I am a selfish woman.
I am a foolish woman.
I am a woman without pride.

I remember, not so long ago, the girl I wished to be.
The girl with strength at her beck and call.
The girl with pride unbound.

Time is a sad thing,
It heals as much as it harms,
It smiles and yet it never quite speaks to us.
I remember the joy I would feel, thinking of what I could be.
I remember the raw potential whispered to me amidst moments of doubt.
And yet: I do not see that girl.
I see an observer.

Ever so distant,

And yet ever so close,

One could almost touch it.

My blood is a thing of miracles.
My lineage is a mix of heroism and villainy alike.
I see many around me accomplish so much.
I smile.
I want to cry.

And yet,

Through all of our ambition,

It remains just out of reach.

I am a selfish woman, innately.
I am a foolish woman, inherently.
So sad,

So sad,

So truly sad.

I want to find my pride.