[Drive]

....am i?

I often find myself asking that question. 

I don't know.

Am I Alyosha, the brother of Katrina, a spoiled brat without a care in the world?

Am I Alyosha, the annoying brother of Kuzen, always getting smacked when I act up?

Am I, Alyosha, my father's son, stoic and always thinking the worst of people?

Am I Alyosha, Ophilia's son, giving up on life?

I ask myself those questions, all the time.

I guess I'm just all of these people, a little bit, inside of me.

When I'm alone, all think about is that - all I tihnk about is, is that person really me? 

I fake a smile, I fake a laugh, I fake caring - I care too much.

These questions never made any sense.

When Kuzen died, I felt a little piece of me die with him.

I really thought I can't live without him, kept myself busy, kept my soul from aching for so long...

All of that, until I myself almost died.

He did something to me, I don't know what, but sometimes - all I hear, all I see 

...

Is all these people, expressing nothing but their disappointment in me.

I feel them call out to me.

But I know it's not them, they would never tell me to do that.

Kuzen wouldn't tell me to hurt a child, he was a protector.

My father will never tell me to be ruthless, he knows how important empathy is to a human soul.

My mother would never give up on life, she's always there, watching over me..

I would never make that choice, of losing myself and falling deep into it.

But...

Am I really strong enough to take over it all...?

I can still feel myself changing, and I don't know if I can stop it.

Please.

Don't leave me alone.

I beg you.

I don't know if I can do it without you.