01-17-2023, 03:25 AM
....am i?
I often find myself asking that question.
I don't know.
Am I Alyosha, the brother of Katrina, a spoiled brat without a care in the world?
Am I Alyosha, the annoying brother of Kuzen, always getting smacked when I act up?
Am I, Alyosha, my father's son, stoic and always thinking the worst of people?
Am I Alyosha, Ophilia's son, giving up on life?
I ask myself those questions, all the time.
I guess I'm just all of these people, a little bit, inside of me.
When I'm alone, all think about is that - all I tihnk about is, is that person really me?
I fake a smile, I fake a laugh, I fake caring - I care too much.
These questions never made any sense.
When Kuzen died, I felt a little piece of me die with him.
I really thought I can't live without him, kept myself busy, kept my soul from aching for so long...
All of that, until I myself almost died.
He did something to me, I don't know what, but sometimes - all I hear, all I see
...
Is all these people, expressing nothing but their disappointment in me.
I feel them call out to me.
But I know it's not them, they would never tell me to do that.
Kuzen wouldn't tell me to hurt a child, he was a protector.
My father will never tell me to be ruthless, he knows how important empathy is to a human soul.
My mother would never give up on life, she's always there, watching over me..
I would never make that choice, of losing myself and falling deep into it.
But...
Am I really strong enough to take over it all...?
I can still feel myself changing, and I don't know if I can stop it.
Please.
Don't leave me alone.
I beg you.
I don't know if I can do it without you.