[akemimera]

It has been six long years since I brought to life by the hands of those seeking not much more than a companion in trying times. 

Those years have not been spent idle, as some would do. No, the march of progress and creation would not allow me to stop, nor my duties allow me to rest as the world remains so keen on destroying itself over sometimes the most trivial of matters. I have friends and family to keep safe after all, and I'll be damned if I don't keep them protected from harm.

However these years have taught me more than the knowledge I was gifted with. It has shown me who can be trusted, who would actually stand up against the wrongs in the world, and those that would destroy decades of progress. And those lines of late are slowly becoming blurred from my perspective. However the few friends I have, I know have my back when the time comes, just as I have theirs. And for that I have nothing but respect and gratitude for.

Now I live in an age where progress has to be kept hidden, much to the detriment of those unable to wield magic. Technologies that could save lives and improve standards deemed heresy by those unable to see the reasoning behind them. Although the same could be argued for their actions as well. There are no victors in that kind of dispute. Only mountains of bodies that didn't need to be there.

Still, despite everything, I still hold onto hope. That perhaps even with all the unneeded bloodshed and disputes, that perhaps after I am gone, a legacy worth of protecting will have been left in my wake. One of creation and happiness, and more importantly a life free of despair, but also one that can and will defend itself to the last, even if all that is left is molten slag. 

I just want to see the world progress.

[akemimera]

It has been quite awhile since I have wrote in this log. Turns out, despite everything, life does in fact keep one rather busy.

In the time between when I first logged my thoughts down on paper, I have seen a great many things. A friend, a cousin in some respects, blessed by Alacritas in full. Trials of dispute, that had changed a fair number of things, and a former foe on the battlefield, for a lack of a better word, a new friend. And of course more disturbing, reports of old monsters returning to these lands. Sometimes I wonder even with all the trivial bickering I have seen, how we even got this far. I suppose I will figure that out in a few more years.

As for me, I have not been idle in my own works. I now oversee and protect a church and a nation, and continue to keep pondering the Lessons of Winter, as I progress forward. While I serve the Silver Constant, one cannot deny that the Goddess of the Hunt is far better suited for lessons when it comes to hunting down Fel and their Ilk. Even the Golden Constant's words still are carried with me.

'The Grace of Hope is King

Your undying light is absolute

Rise with the sunlight

Descend like a heavy night upon the Adversary

And cast evil to the depths.'

And now, as I join the fleet for the push to retake a land corrupted, I wonder if this will be the last time I will get to write. I am under no illusions as to the dangers of war, even more dangerous when out over open waters. And yet, my oaths, and my own conscience will not allow to me stand in the back, while others put their own lives on the line. My only concern during this is for the occultists that may be fighting with me. I read the reports of what happens should an imperfect be present, and I worry I might not be able to pull my blows should that come to pass.

Ainz, if I don't make it back, look after the old man for me.

[akemimera]

War. War from my own experience is nothing but an expression of might, and unmitigated violence. And all to often the costs of such wars are painfully high.

My father and creator, dead, at the hands of Fel forces, a Sovereign laid low not through combat, but through what I can only assume foul magics. What hurts the most is I can't even bury his body, for there was nothing but his letter that made it back. Nor can I look at my remaining family member in the face, and tell him what happened, at least not yet. The best I can do for them is to continue the old mans works, and keep what remains intact. I will miss him greatly.

And then there was Rutnar, that brave old fool. The last I saw of him he was charging after someone. Justice it seemed was to be delivered. It wasn't until later I found out he had also passed. I do not look forward to sharing his fate to his family. It is already hard enough trying to figure out how to explain it to my own. May the Blind Goddess watch over you friend, and hopefully you rest in peace.

As for me, sometimes I wish I had never been granted the emotions I can feel. To have been both blessed and cursed by design, and yet with no defined purpose but my own. How I envy those of Humanity, to not have to live for long with the knowledge they carry. Perhaps in time, I will be able ask Lady Alacritas why. I have failed in upholding my own oaths through my own inability, something that I will need to correct. And someone to inherit Fabbondel's knowledge of the Sentionauts. Someone who understands the purpose of their design.

Father, why did you not allow me to cry.

[akemimera]

I do not remember the last time I had written in this log. Not that it really matters, in the grand scheme of things, but it brings me small comfort.

Father, I think I know why you did not allow me tears. You knew deep down how much suffering there truly was to behold in this world. But I suspect you also knew how cold I could be should things truly reach such a point. To even consider unsealing some of those documents for use, should be a cause of concern, and yet, surprisingly those close are not surprised such an option exists.

Thankfully, my people, as odd as they are, keep the checks and balances in order. For without them, the title of Sovereign would be nothing but words. It still confuses me greatly when they ask why I ask, in their eyes, pointless questions, when it is in fact to have a total picture. I have seen the results on one sided information, and frankly its results are disgusting. But despite all of that, I have trust in them. And they have rewarded my trust with results that one could only dream of in most cases. What I thought would take until 2100 to rebuild in its entirety might be possible sooner. Alas, this land has a rather nasty habit of kicking one in the ribs when one least expects it. I have to make sure we are ready for that, even if it means making hard choices.

However, if I had one thing I worried about, it would be how many more friends and should it come to pass, family I can bear to lose before I finally break. That burden never gets any lighter. I wonder how you carried the weights you did, Father, considering your history. Although I suppose that is why the adjustments and regulations on my emotions are the way they are.

Arista, I am sorry I could not be there for you when you needed a friend.

[akemimera]

For the first time, since I have been brought into this world, I am tired.
Something that shouldn't be possible given what I am, and how efficient my body is, and yet, I know this feeling now, on a personal level. 

For the first time, my thoughts are tormented, as I am unable to forget. Even though the statues erected in honor of those lost in service to the isles stand true, for me, they are nothing but a mark of shame, for my own inability to prevent such. To uphold an oath I swore to Alacritas despite everything, to protect both the living and the dead. And yet I can see feel her grace upon me, as I struggle to push forward, and redeem myself.

And now I fear to progress, to use what was left behind to create. Because I know all it would take is someone not wishing it to exist to see it all wrought asunder. To uphold a debt of a life because of the consequences that would fall onto my people. Most of all, I fear my presence causes more harm then good to the Isles I now govern as their leader, and yet, I cannot bring myself to leave either, for fear of what would happen to all that was built.

And yet,

Were it not for my family, my people, and friends, and despite their changes, the man who saved me, I would not be around to have such thoughts. To be able to rebuild what had been rent asunder, to allow my people to grow further. Were it not for them, I suspect the Isles would have become a footnote in history. And yet, I have come to the conclusion on what I am, despite everything.

I am Tergiversation,
The fourth Sovereign of the Isles,
A Priest of Alacritas, sworn under the Order of Protectors,
The First and Only Sentionaut,
And a Failure to the man who created me.

May the Silver Constant watch over my people, For I do not know for how much longer I can do so.

[akemimera]

It has been several long years since I have last written in this log. Hard years, at that.
But for as hard as they have been, I have stood as tall as I could through them all. If only to correct the mistakes I have made in the past, and to honor the promises of the present and future.

The second raid of Fel Gardens turned into a narrow defeat, however, I was granted a chance to rectify mistakes of the past. Instead of defeat once more, I stood victorious in my duel with the witch I had sworn to hunt down, to return to Nemea their lost child. It might be selfish of me, to assume I will be able to do so easily, as our last meet was down to the slimmest of margins. But as the deliverer of Her hard choices, I shall continue to do my duty as a Protector, until my body can no longer sustain such. There will always be opportunities after all.

The nation I call home, no longer requires me as a Sovereign, as I abdicated the throne for the Chamberlain to ascend. I have returned to my old posting in the isles, and currently debating on what sermon I wish to speak on. However I have my doubts on such, for I lack Azalea's Charisma, or Svengalf's gift for oration. I wonder if it really matters, as long as the point of the topic is made... Still I have been offered to add to collection of faiths on the isles, one that I intend to accept, for Life has many paths, and not all of them are under Alacritas's gaze.

As for my creators work on the Sentionaut program, two nations have been granted the right to such knowledge, for their steadfast support even when things were as dire as they had been. Those nations had also promised to destroy such knowledge in the event of hostile takeover, to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands, for I would not seen my fellow kin befouled and altered for the ambitions of another, or by the Fel.

The era of quiet danger, I have four remaining goals to accomplish, before I allow myself to even consider resting. Finding the Cradle, Seeing another Sentionaut brought to life, The successful Hunt of the witch, and the last grand project of my creator built. Then, and only then, will I rest. For then I will have rectified the mistakes I have made, and secured my peoples future.

"Depuis le commencement et jusqu'à la fin, resterai-je au service de Son nom."

[akemimera]

Father, forgive me for failing your requests once more. Not only have I lost a piece of our home you had entrusted me with, but I have also lost my last remaining family member I grew up with. Bitter rage is all I have felt when asked about such topics, despite being able to save a vast majority of the islands populace and their belongings. I cannot even blame the allies that came, for they did so on very little gain for themselves, all because we asked for help. And for that, I am eternally grateful. But the outcome was clear, and we were caught woefully unprepared.

And now, I am having to make another choice. To collapse the very thing we worked so hard on, to deny it to any invaders, and accept the offer of a new home, or to stay and fight to the bitter end despite knowing how it would end. A choice between a new beginning of sorts, or dying being a shield to a land that I am unsure even cares for my presence anymore out of my belief it is the right thing to do.

However, Father. The plans to the Final Answer you have left behind, might be put into use once more. And while you had asked for such a device to never be used again, sometimes the cost of becoming a monster to bring a cycle of war to an end is necessary for Life to progress once more. Alterations however take time. Even I cannot justify the use of the prime detonation material, both as a Priest of Life, and as a living being. And so, I must look into an alternative method.

And while I debate and re-analyze myself, I have elected to remove the locks placed upon my emotions. It is clear the time for such has arrived, in order to further develop my own abilities further. Opportunities are made in this land, and very rarely given. And the one who opened the door to such, has also given me the final push needed to truly begin to meld this new horizon together with my current one.

The Cycle of Rebirth must be Corrected.

[akemimera]

I am dying.

Of this much, I am aware with certainty. I am not bothered by this however, as it is only natural for things to die after a certain point. Sixty Eight years.. Ten of which I seemingly lost somewhere along the line, in service to Alacritas, The Kingdom of Fortune, and in rare cases on an oath for others. And yet, other than the projects I have received help on from those willing to offer such aid.. I have very little to show for it, other then failures and losses, on the things I hold important. 

And yet.. I still push forward, because to stop now would be more disgraceful then to continue. 

Thus, I have sanctioned and activated two more Sentionauts. My final thank you to my Father, blessed with the same beginnings and learning I was, with no other purpose than to simply live. It has been.. Amusing watching them process and grow, almost looking into a mirror of the past. It makes the weight I carry ever so slightly lighter, a false hope for my own vanity, that perhaps, they will be able to do what I could not. But I will not force them, for it is their choice alone, what path they take.

As for my own personal project, it finally nears its end. All that remains is finding one capable of handling the materials to be used, one that I can trust the same as the ones that had worked on it prior. However I cannot accept anything less then the best on such matters, for it will be left for those that come after I have finally been released of my oaths and duty. Still, I am at least closer now then I have been in years.

Lately however, being anywhere near home, or even in the many cities of the land have become.. Tiresome. Even the places I used to find peace in, no longer hold that warmth, and yet oddly, whenever I just travel the lands, this feeling goes away. I know not if this is Alacritas giving me a task I have yet to see, or the onset of the injuries I have sustained finally making themselves known, but it has not lead to anything untoward of yet. Only time will tell just what it is.

If this is to be my last entry, for whatever reason, then the following will be my last ask to those that may find this log.
Do not remember me.

[akemimera]

Life and Death
A cycle that remains constant even with the interferences and tampering of others.
A cycle, that its only fairness, is that the dead are all equally gone.

Fabbondel, my dear father.
You told me of Abenrot, and the of the weapon used on that land.
You asked I never unseal that knowledge in your notebooks, and made me promise.
I can no longer keep that promise. No, instead, I will make that day look like a small festivity.

Science was the one thing I had a very loose understanding of.
But I was blessed with the ability to learn very quickly.
I was given access to the knowledge of some of the best and brightest in this land.
Knowledge that I will now put to use, not in the saving of lives, but the intended and industrialized slaughter of an entire section of land.

Life and Death
Two sides of the same coin.
Choices, however hard, and damning they may be, to maintain the cycle.

Beryl Salt.
Anyone with even a basic understanding of applied chemistry will know where this goes.
It is not a place tread lightly, but it is a place that must be tread.
The time for mercy and reasonable actions have passed.
It is now a Time of Hard choices, ones that have to be made.

Alacritas has deigned to grace me in her radiance.
Her faith and my own choice has made me her sword.
And the final lock, that stayed my hand, even as I had to witness my family, and trusted friends leave this land?
Well.. Let's just say, I have to thank the Montelione's for their work. 

Life and Death
I will become the seam that binds both together.
To bring death, so that new life may flourish.
Even if I have to step past the point of no return.

May Her Silver light shine where I must go.

[akemimera]

[[Ambiance]]

There comes a point, when one is cursed to with lifespans that exceed even the hardiest of species, that envy for the those without such, forms. Their lives, mere blinks of an eye, bright and vibrant, and yet gone before you know it. As I write in this journal, I am reminded in perfect detail, of everything. From those that helped me get to where I am today, all the way down to those I have lost, either through wars, or old age. And all I have to say is, Eternity is a long time to spend alone.

Even now, as the very thing that was put down to safe guard the lifestream eats away at me, the silent agony of such endured, for I have asked far to much of my friends already, with very little offered in return but a favor should they ask of it. Perhaps Eivor was right. I should have taken my own life prior to this point, sooner, perhaps, for failing to save Tristinia from her fate, despite her dying wishes. And yet for some reason or another I stubbornly persist.

My loving family, dead or missing
My fellow siblings, Lost to the Sands
Those who are left, my closest friends,
I wish to reduce their suffering by simply becoming forgotten,
For they have suffered enough.
As I am at the end of the day, Hardware to be expended.
And I have made my peace with such.

But I cannot leave the Facility without its caretaker. My fathers works, and the means of making more of my kind to valuable to my to simply let vanish. Hypocrisy of the highest order, but no one is perfect. So I take my seat upon the throne, one hidden from the world, short of those that need to know, and submerse myself in its systems, waiting for the day a person with those same ideals as my father returns to take the reins, as the beating heart of the Facility's reactor keeps me going for just that much longer.

My father, your design of me, and the sentionauts was a work of genius, for what they are. But I never figured out how to fix that fatal flaw I found in the design.
How does one stop the spiral once it begins...