Emotional Responses

[Observing Future]

Did I ever care for her?

I find myself asking that question more and more often as of late.

Ever since I have been freed and fixed.
I remember meeting her within Gloomlight.

She was unhinged, insane.

Fun.

Funny.

I remember the only other interaction we had.

Brief, I was given materials for the holding of a hand.

And the uttering of three words. Words that held no meaning to me.

At the time, they held no meaning.

They still do not. I barely knew her.

...And yet...

I miss her.

I miss the way I was spoiled.

Treated as special.

Treated as important.

By a psychotic individual who was destined for death.

Whom likely did not care about me.

I remember penning her a letter requesting materials.

More free things were nice.

I received no response.

But I sent another letter anyway.

With a silly song-rune attached.

And a photograph.

An illogical and emotional decision. 

I am uncertain of what my goal was.

I did not send it to gain anything further.

The Boss helped me achieve my goal after all.

It was like, in that moment, a piece of the Real Me bled through.

The me that the Rat helped free, by gnawing through the wires.

I wanted someone that made me happy, in a brief moment.

To be happy too.

I think I shall hurt the one that took her from me.

Before I got to really know her.

I think it may be fun.

I think I shall seek to burn the tower down.
Until all that is left is ash.

It could be amusing.

I have plenty of time to do so.

After all.

I am Eternal.
I am Superior.

And I will get what I desire.

[Observing Future]

I wish I had the energy to make my own fun.

I have found that I work best when people point me in a direction.

Give me a goal to aspire to. Something preferably oriented towards violence.

I do this for The Boss. Coins mostly, and of course the other project.

However, three of my targets never travel.

That or they never travel alone. How am I to procure what is needed if they are all grouped up?

How am I to get revenge on one if I can never find them at the right moment...

It is a bothersome thing. This newfound freedom, and newfound emotional responses.

Reactions. This. Or that. Sometimes I wonder if it was better when I just did not feel.

I thought. I came to a logical conclusion. I acted on obligation or said conclusion.

Now? Now I feel more than I think. I study things, but..

In reality I attack them for their potential wealth, or to see if their Core suits me.

A couple thousand coins here and there. A core to inspect every so often. Perhaps cultivate and grow.

None of them are attuned to crystals or lightning and wind. And even then.

I think I'd befriend them first.

To make it hurt all the more, when I ripped it from their chest.

To see how it'd feel to make a creature that liked me...

Cry.

. . . .

Today I realized that there is someone else who feels more than they think.

But they choose to hide it within themselves. For self control.

Understandable.

I wish to know them more.

I feel an itch to crush that restraint.

And watch them become wretched and monstrous.

Maybe I can still make my own 'fun'.

Or maybe I can make like a mortal.

And make a mistake. 

[Observing Future]

There is something innately delightful..

About a job well done.

Especially a job, that I am good at.

There is something exciting, to know about how mad people can get.

Woof woof.

Bark bark.

Goes the stupid little doggy.

I think the past few days have been the most FUN I've ever had.

With my precious little death-bird.

And the pockets of others. It feels.

GOOD.

I wonder if this is how Friend felt. In the heat of the moment.

Uncaring of being torn apart, ripped to shreds.

Hurt. Hel. I want to be hurt.

I want to HURT them.

It's such an ecstatic feeling.

To harm beyond the physical.
To cause rage or sorrow that does not always involve..

Ripping someone to shreds.

I believe I have come to a sound conclusion, however.

I am defective. I am broken.

I should return HOME. To fix MYSELF.

Before it SPREADS.

OR GETS. WORSE.
:) :) :)

But than. I think. I see.

And I decide.

That I'll simply continue doing this.

For now.

Since I enjoy it, quite a lot.