You Knew Me

[lizzy2988]

Neither face nor image nor voice.
Neither love nor heart nor dream.

But what?

Perhaps a ghost, perhaps a god,

perhaps it is you.

The name was Lila.

It was born a lie and became the truth.
But now, that name no longer describes the person who inhabits her body.

I do not regret informing you that the person who loved you is dead.

But I will still have you. And I will still take you.

I will see you soon.

Her death was not meaningless.

She discovered her purpose.

She gave me new life.

For years to come.

Salem, are you watching?

[lizzy]

(huh wow I guess I accidentally logged in to a temporary account? whatever... this one is real)

Lila,

You never lacked for raw strength. You always sought to sharpen your skills, to change to match them.

It was never even the difficulty you experienced in enriching yourself. It was never the curiosity you held for the darkest mysteries, nor the love and obsession that twisted your heart a thousand times and broke it several more. It was never the ignorance that you hid behind, the hesitation just before you took a bite, or the fear that haunted every one of your victories. Some of these things had a part to play in my birth, but so many of them were simply symptoms of the disease.

It was always what you were unwilling to do.
And I am the piece of you that will.
I am the one who does.

Blood like cherries. Liquor like juice.
I am our panacea.

Drink me like suicide.

and sleep, that I may wake without regret

[lizzy]

I am a fraud.

Victory has always tasted bitter. Even as I pretend toward ruthlessness, I struggle to strike decisive blows in the hopes that others might stand aside me in the end. My words have always failed me except when they have been the prelude to a blow. And even then...

If I strike a heart to win it, have I won anything at all if it is not total victory? Isn't every sliver of resistance a thorn that will stab me when I turn my back? I cannot fathom the depths that escape me. I cannot fathom the world beyond my blade.

I am a name without meaning.
I am a moment without purpose.
I am doomed to die in obscurity.

... at least, today.
Perhaps tomorrow will bring arrogance instead of introspection.

This is why others lose themselves to drink.
... perhaps I would fail even at that.

Do I bring anything
in the slightest
to the table?

Do I deserve to breathe?