04-13-2024, 12:27 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-13-2024, 12:29 PM by AbstractTraitorHero.)
To want to live, to be upon the ocean, trapped within a mire you feel so close to clawing your way out of. It's a cruel thing, the ocean it comforts me. It promises me, with the lap of it's waves, with it's indifference to one & all, with the warmth of the sun beaming down through my clothes. I can feel it, just beneath how my skin will burn & redden with enough effort by them. Yet, Jiuweihu is ignorant of what she looks down upon, isn't she, when her gaze meets mine, when through this mask I stare up at her.
Blinded, with Pain filling my head.
Is that her hatred or just the same she gives to everyone? As the wave's lap at my boat, I crave it, that indifference to be real, I craved for my boat to capsize. I relished it when it finally did, when I sunk beneath those waves, when I heard the roar within my ears & I sunk like a stone. I swam, through it, through the ocean, like it was natural & for just a few hours? Amongst that vast blue, while within the freezing waters, it's strange really, but I felt warm & the schools of fish & the shimmer of scales, of things within the deep were comforting.
Is it wrong, to want so badly to feel truly a part of this world? To want to push back the cold in my chest, to feel it so warm & vibrant. Like I've never gotten to feel, is it wrong? For me to want to be more then a shadow of a person? Of a woman? Of a parody of humanity, able to fake it, yet never able to live it? I want it so badly, I reach for it so desperately.
Please, Alacritas.
It hurt when your priest blessed me, it hurts to be before your sacred tree. It hurts to 'live' like this, please let the blessing's you've given me? Let them be real, let them not be you mocking me, let me have it.
Blinded, with Pain filling my head.
Is that her hatred or just the same she gives to everyone? As the wave's lap at my boat, I crave it, that indifference to be real, I craved for my boat to capsize. I relished it when it finally did, when I sunk beneath those waves, when I heard the roar within my ears & I sunk like a stone. I swam, through it, through the ocean, like it was natural & for just a few hours? Amongst that vast blue, while within the freezing waters, it's strange really, but I felt warm & the schools of fish & the shimmer of scales, of things within the deep were comforting.
Is it wrong, to want so badly to feel truly a part of this world? To want to push back the cold in my chest, to feel it so warm & vibrant. Like I've never gotten to feel, is it wrong? For me to want to be more then a shadow of a person? Of a woman? Of a parody of humanity, able to fake it, yet never able to live it? I want it so badly, I reach for it so desperately.
Please, Alacritas.
It hurt when your priest blessed me, it hurts to be before your sacred tree. It hurts to 'live' like this, please let the blessing's you've given me? Let them be real, let them not be you mocking me, let me have it.
Just let me live.